Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML
Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML
Today, it's Halloween. I get bullied every day and this was no exception, but this time I got beat up so hard I bled. Everyone thought it was part of my costume. FML
Today, I'm at odds with my fiancée because a drunk girl approached me at a Halloween party and complimented my costume. I barely acknowledged the woman and made polite small talk until she walked away. Apparently, I was too friendly and should have shooed the woman away rudely and immediately. FML
Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML
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Top comments
alpaquette91 9
Punch your roommate! Make him/her suffer too!
Mass89 0
who else read this FML while doing a russian accent? :D
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Comments (172)
KiddNYC1O 22
"Mmm."
kaykay20 0
During halloween while handing out candy theirs only a few things appropriate to say while at the door "Have a happy Halloween", "Hello", "Awe", and "Bye". Having a full conversation is seen as weird and creepy unless your friends with their family or they are family.
kaykay20 0
"Great costume" is also acceptable to say.
Dominato 0
Wow. Your pretty good at english for a russian!
Jasonf6 0
Charge him with assault.
FatMan23 10
I hear voices, but they speak Russian.
Synyster430 0
FPSrussia?
buckeye08 10
I just read this FML in a Russian accent. 10X better.
shantazat 0
Hellz yeah I'm russian too
komatights 5
Am I the only one who thought of Heavy pissing off that kid in the new TF2 comic? Sorry, sorry. That was horrible.
cleopatra108 5
I'm from Russia too! Only I live in UK :) ?????? ????))