Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
Today, I realized I'd put on my shirt on inside out, so I went to the bathroom stalls to fix it. As I was taking it off, I accidentally dropped it in the toilet. FML
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
Today. I used the restroom at the mall. After I wiped, I went to toss the paper into the toilet. I missed horribly. The wad of TP with poop on it landed on the floor of the next stall. It was occupied. FML
Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
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Top comments
chelsrageous 0
I highly doubt this is true.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I'm sorry, OP, but it truly sucks to be you since... how do I put this delicately? You're a towel.
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Comments (114)
pollockcr 0
first
coolsteve 0
this fml is actually hilarious
Confusedjake 0
wait, why is he wrapping a towel around himself to take a dump? I don't get...?
mfmylifesrsly 30
EWWW!!! btw buttsecks is gross
phuckyew 0
You fail at shit! stupid dumbass lol
bettadenne1 0
ur fue king we ta did
mfmylifesrsly 30
^wtf?! 0.o
bloodhoundbambam 0
Euhm... What..?
phillyboss25 0
did u dry off with the towel after u Shit in it??
acoti 0
23, he was saying, "You're ******* retarded." OP, what was the purpose of the towel? If I wanted to take a dump while using my laptop, I would just take a dump while using my laptop.
bidoof_fml 0
Maybe he wanted a towel on his lap so he didn't burn himself?
kristinnicolexo 0
that sucks. .
daphnizzle 0
ewww. good job
fertie226 1
I wish I hadn't read this one....for fuuucks sake
RaIeigh 0
You need a towel to use a laptop while taking a dump ..?
robertdr 0
wtf that is not bad just wipe urself and throw away the towel
Blue_Coconuts 7
He probably wanted the towel so the computer didn't get his legs too hot.
RaIeigh 0
Well now instead of having the laptop burn his legs he has crap caked on his back..
fertie226 1
you dirty dirty boy!
sourgirl101 29
I thought he had a tiny peepee and didn't want to pee on the lap top. Don't guys have to hold their penis down when they poop? I'm sure none of you would know- claiming its weight holds it self down.
Mxcn707 0
Omgg wow thats an epic fail!
maxdashz 0
Lol/Ewwww/....
acoti 0
Sourgirl, you just made yourself seem like a little presumptuous ignorant bitch. in case you didn't know, the penis isn't always hard and big. Most of the time, it's small.
JinxSNC 0
indeed xD
andy231245 4
so he/she is planning on taking a shit and wraps a towel around their waist like out of the shower style so laptop won't burn legs. proceeds to shit into towel, am i getting this right because either you are an idiot or this makes no sense
imbatman_fml 0
haha this was funny in soviet Russia, all towels are covered in feces. bed bath and beyond is a very foul place to visit.
portablecupid 3
men are disgusting dude.
LifesRFked 0
lol that's funny
ssasjb01 0
yeah but why would he wrap the towel, once u wrap a towel around ur waist is covering ur ass, I don't understad the train of thought, why not just put a towel over ur legs OP u r an idiot!!!
sourgirl101 29
Acoti did I say something that hit a nerve? Why are you being so nasty?
Blue_Coconuts 7
Honestly sourgirl, I dunno what dicks you have seen, but I don't need to "hold mine down" when I pop a squat. Maybe that's just me.. He has a point where not all dicks are huge, but he lost me when he said "they're usually small most of the time."... Because again, yeah.. And not saying I'm some stud with a 13 inch dick or anything, but.. Yeah, enough of this talk..
sourgirl101 29
Well I was just wondering. When I was potty training my son, when ever he pooped a small amount of pee would hit the shower curtain. I didn't mean to offend any one who may or may not have a small penis with my stupid comments. Sorry.
78euge781995 0
The towel doesnt serve the purpose of a diaper OP
Blue_Coconuts 7
Well that's different, he's a little kid... I'm talking more about when you get older... Haha
myfriend_youfail 3
Sourgirl, why would a male have to hold his penis down when he takes a shit? The male organ is not erect 24/7, when in a normal state it lays along the upper thigh. It does not need to be held down, it stays down by itself quite nicely. The muscles and blood vessels are relaxed. It hangs down by itself. Why would a man (or indeed any person) urinate when defecating anyways? The two are not joined in any way, so taking a shit wouldn't mean he would then take a piss into his lap. People only piss themselves from straining if they're constipated or if they have unusually weak bladders (or bladder infections). Neither is the penis involved in defecation, so holding it down into the toilet while ******** would be pointless. What good would holding it down do anyways, besides bring it closer to where the feces is coming out? Wouldn't one want to hold it UP, away from the anus? If your son kept wetting himself when taking a dump, it's probably because he was either too young to control his bladder, or had a weak bladder.
Tiptip904 0
he p
Tiptip904 0
he prob just meant they are flaccid most of the time
Averizzle 0
She has a son so stfu dick. God it's not a big deal guys..
RaIeigh 0
Wow at the shizz posted up there ^
JBetterton 0
FAIL!!!!!!!
RedPillSucks 33
Wow sourgirl, apparently you did hit a nerve... I thought she was just joking around. It didn't seem like she was trying to be serious. Just tounge in cheek. Oh, and small boys tend to have more rigid penises (peni?) than adult males. Did anyone see Daddy daycare when that kid peed on the ceiling? I thought that was hyperbole until that happened to my son at our friends house. Talk about embarrassing.
lets_be_ian 5
I will be first in line to admit that mine is not the biggest on the market... but seriously, if your penis does not have enough weight behind it to hang down and dangle in at least some direction then I feel very very sorry for you... or you just got out of a cold swimming pool... one or the other. You also shouldn't call people "ignorant bitches' either... just because she is ignorant of that particular fact of male anatomy (and ignorance is not stupidity, so don't' get all upset) does not make her a bitch or a target for attack... I am sure if the post was about female discharge you may not have all of the correct info either.
silentfog 0
I don't get it either
tirex39 0
this person is just plain stupid this is not an fml this should be on www.idiot.com
lets_be_ian 5
is there an i_just_shit_myself.com and sister site I_just_pissed_myself.com if not we should get together and get ahead on that right now... talk about laughs. (reminds me of Bad Santa)
paigeatsflesh 11
ahaha you got shit on your ass.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Why would you need to have a towel on you if youre taking a crap? I M Confused
ericownz101 0
118- sweet guitar man. is that a gibson les paul or just a LP body style? paige- hii!
canadianpatsfan 0
lolz
gingersss 5
screw you
SixtyNiner 0
Im taking a dump as I type this and Im not using a ******* towel.
Oreosbff 0
To protect his laptop from the toilet water?
spitbubbles 0
can someone please explain this fml to me?
teenager34 0
confusedjake, he was using his laptop, can you read????????
redpump 0
#139 that's gross. Poo water on ur dick. How bout stand up and flush?
bmd23 0
wowwww lmaooooooooooo dumb ass
iSwag 0
Dude...
ryguy999 5
dumbass
cookiepookie123 0
Ever heard of a computer table? Dumbass
slowlybreakingme 14
it's supposed to be sofa king we todd ed
alleyx3 0
LOL his username is towelsmellsnice
CynthiaBug 0
Hahaha when I was in middle school people would make other people say "I'm sofa king, we taught it."
StoryOfTheYear 15
lol tarynkd other than that you wrote a short childrens book as your comment I agree with you, just rest it on your legs, as you will be taking a dump and will need to take it off regardless win
frodis99 0
oh man great idea for new sites...better get on it quick!
SLKBlack96 5
best fml ever!!!
DonutNoob 0
guy who said the thing about not pissing while taking a dump.. I take a piss while taking a dump often, doesn't seem to be anything wrong with my bladder and WTF do u mean " keep it away from the anus"? dont u have balls in between u weirdo? and I need to hold my dick down sometimes as well while i'm on the throne takin a piss while takin a dump...
paigeatsflesh 11
hey Eric. what's up?(:
ladypatience93 2
lol o shit
LinsKitty 0
ahahahaa XD 74 wins
acoti 0
Sourgirl, you didn't hit a nerve at all. Your last paragraph of your first post presented itself in such a way that made it seem like you were being sarcastic. I felt like you were making fun of guys and their sizes. If you were seriously asking a question with no alterior motives, then I apologize for turning into a douche.
Islander_fml 5
"wait, why is he wrapping a towel around himself to take a dump? I don't get...?" Well, if he's in a dorm and he was naked in his room, he'd wrap a towel around himself to go to the bathroom. A similar situation might arise if he was in an apartment with roommates, or whatever. Many reasons to wear a towel to the bathroom.
sourgirl101 29
Acoti- we're cool. I know my statement must of come out wrong. I know you're a sweet guy from our past talks. No harm no foul cutie!
StoryOfTheYear 15
182- Why didn't he just get some pants on? Was he sashaying through his house naked before this? ---> O shoot I'm on my laptop naked and don't want anyone to see my stoof. aha! I'll grab a towel so I don't look wierd because being on my laptop with no clothes on isn't wierd at all.
massagenist 0
you freak, you stuck a laptop up your butt ? man that musta hurt ? did the cd drive open up ? did you have a corded mouse attached to a usb port to pull it out just in case it got stuck ?
greatsarcazm 0
you're smart :) I would never have guessed
Austinsnyder601 1
your either an idiot or a computer nerd, if u need to take a shit, drop whatever your doing and take one! or were you like in WoW and doing a raid and your on the boss? ydi for being stupid
failzorfails 0
you win
cywoods 0
42 ur hot
lilcec76 0
Why does it care if u are first and one people share their problems an second ur stupid!!!!!!! :(
tigerfox89 5
He was probably still wet and didn't wNt to get the laptop wet
insomniac8400 13
in the bathroom?
kathee_love 0
Dumb dumb dumb
madarchod 0
third
MarkSeattle 0
ydi for being totally gross and taking your laptop with you to take a dump.
enuffsaid 2
Laptop- Today, my nasty ass owner tried to take a shit while using me. FML
bidoof_fml 0
As if you people have bowel movements and don't read a magazine or something.
cmac86 24
actually, no, I've never read in the bathroom.
I_Grow_Yeast 0
Seriously, that's a peeve of mine. If you are actually sitting on the toilet so long that you need some form of entertainment while you poop, then you have a problem. Eat more fiber. Taking a shit shouldn't take more than 2 or 3 minutes. You pee, you poop, you wipe, you admire the size if you're into that, and you flush it down and move on with your life.
rallets 23
lmfao yea, ive seen some shit come out of me that i didnt even believe. but i agree with having something to read or do while ********. theres not enough time, at least for me haha
PsychoShark 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You dumb shit! Get it? Dumb SHIT! HAHA!
killab420 0
ha! HA HA! HAHAHA
hattrick24 0
so you really can't just put down the laptop for two mins to take a shit, like really?
Vintage_Cola 29
No, I don't get it. Please explain to me, in great detail, what exactly you mean by your statement.
Fence 8
Ew, that's nasty.
yazzflute 0
I drop bombs with my iPhone all the time and I never drop it in. I even use it when I take baths (I'm a girl). I never need a towel to catch my phone, glad to know I can use it to catch cuss though
bidoof_fml 0
Not sure if you caught on, but a laptop is very different than an iPhone.
andy231245 4
well I think we have established yazzflute is a ******* retard
ericownz101 0
girls dont poop!
BrightSidegirl82 0
same
kyaquatel 0
WTF! D=
cheapKicks 0
I feel more sorry for the towel. YDI nasty
haydos93 0
Today, I got wrapped around some guys waist, and if you didn't think that's bad enough he just shit all over me all because he wanted to use his laptop on the toilet. FML!
haydos93 0
Towel-Today, I got wrapped around some guys waist, and if you didn't think that's bad enough he just shit all over me all because he wanted to use his laptop on the toilet. FML!
MyNameIsBruce 0
Holy shit this wins! (hehe, shit)
wdcthree 0
definition of stupidity.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I'm sorry, OP, but it truly sucks to be you since... how do I put this delicately? You're a towel.
chelsrageous 0
I highly doubt this is true.