Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML
Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML
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Top comments
rexgar2000 10
sounds like he had a great time. could've worse at least he didn't throw up on your dress.
Draxanoth 15
Merry Chri-(insert barfing noise here)
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Comments (108)
tsim_fml 0
and why did you wear the nicest dress you own? whenever you wear something really nice, you know somethings gonna happen to it
iRuleUdrool 4
I bet you don't own nice clothes
Gamaryn 0
OP said at her husband's Christmas party. The "nicest dress she owns" implies she went with him... Unless, You know, That's her cleaning outfit. FYL, OP. Make him clean your barf next time.
uprising_fml 0
at least it wasn't projeticle vomit on you . don't worry OP, what comes around goes around...
nicole86 8
Oh no! You should've went home, threw your husband in the garbage, then changed out of your dress to clean puke!
mrz1177 11
Did you have fun?
JinxosGirl87 0
I'm guessing it was a successful party :)
Tyger44 1
Hey come on,till death do apart..well at least till he barfed
KailyKii 11
*'til death do us part.
Conley78643 0
been there done that. I put my husband to bed, got a beer and started cleaning.
cjade5 0
That's how it's supposed to be. Everyone is saying to do mean stuff it's not like he said "hey I'm going to drink until I barf!" Yes, there is a point that someone needs to know when to stop, but it didn't happen that way. Accidents happen.
enkt 9
74, I'm all for respect n some nice wine and cheese shit, but you sound like quite the buzzkill. It's not your problem if someone wants to be dumb.. Some of us rather enjoy it.
thericcanator 4
You can have a different little black dress, make it a little green dress. They say everyone needs one
dasteve 0
It's beginning to look a lot like Pukemas...
IndigoAcrylic 9
I would have just removed the dress while cleaning xD (if I ever wore a dress)
gravy_jones 0
Something tells me it wouldn't be all that surprising.