Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
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Top comments
fyl1009 0
ydi for using your new car as the ride. You should have used one of their cars
FallonsRocket 0
Next time, if youre the DD, take one of the other people's cars..they'll either be more respectful, or it wont matter if they are because you dont have to clean it.
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Comments (102)
narcoticjunkie 0
awww sounds like fun
mfmylifesrsly 30
Dammit I was almost first by like 2 seconds haha..
jayjaysmokerson 0
man I love being that person! not when they vomit of course... but yeah it's so much easier to **** with your friends when they are drunk. next time steel their phones or wallets when they aren't paying atention.
Prototype12 0
standing in the cold? you weren't allowed inside also? fake...
Flounder 2
This is probably the stupidest defense mechanism. "Go on, call me ugly, I LOVE it, it makes me laugh!" Pretending a negative reaction to you pleases you in any way is absolutely retarded because it's incredibly obvious to everyone you're just saying that to shield yourself from embarrassment and the sting of rejection. I don't know why people think this is ever believable but I see in in online arguments all the time.
jayjaysmokerson 0
@22 what the hell are you talking about? where is this fictional argument happening?
mfmylifesrsly 30
@22 wtf are you talking about?
ImaginaryFoe 1
LMAO @ #23! I was thinking the same thing! Anyway, I don't mind being DD because I trust me with the job. Have your friends help you clean, rotate the job, and use one if their cars next time. Why were you out in the cold? You can still have fun without drinking.
Flounder 2
#8 "yay I'm near the top!! haha I just did this to get yelled at" How about you scroll up an inch or two before you make yourself look like an ass.
coldblood 4
prototype12, maybe that ment they were driving to a party that tthe op wasnt invited to and they had to wait
saviisneat 0
who doesn't expect drunk people and vomit when being the designated driver. if you agree to do it, you are agreeing to handle drunk people who puke. I don't see how you can be upset when it's a given...?
Prototype12 0
why would he go then and wait for 3 hours and get vomited on
jellybean120 10
well, at least you and your friends got home safe! :D
pwincessa23 1
Ydi for accepting to do it. I'm sure no one MADE u do it...
ImaginaryFoe 1
Flounder, "Relax, dude." There wasn't really anything in your rant to indicate it was directed at #8.
jayjaysmokerson 0
@46 if you throw up every time you get drunk I think your doing something wrong. it's not a given that your drunk friends will puke in your car when you are the dd.
JackRocksSoSuckI 0
#22 what are you ******* talking about
MrMaD_fml 2
Next time you get to be a designated driver, you should secretly get really shit-faced before you gotta drive 'em home. That'll teach everyone.
reyemrein 0
It's really ironic that 22 is drunk when commenting on an FML about getting drunk.....
deathcab7 0
well at least your a good friend op!!
GeoThermalSleuth 0
First?
ImaginaryFoe 1
You seem generally angry. I read jayjay's and mfml's comments as humourous. It's pretty tough to figure out tone from reading so I guess I tend to give the benefit of the doubt. Whatever. Now that #8 is gone, your original comment is even crazier looking! LOL
Yee12 0
No fat chicks
humorizer 14
In all seriousness, you deserve it. Why? Because you hang out with unsavory folks like them. You hang out with drunkards, chances are you approve of their life style, and probably engage in it too at times.
beachballa93 0
your an idiot for not expecting that
rohosoccer08 1
there's nothing wrong with having a few drinks with friends and at least they are smart enough to have a DD so they don't drive drunk.
mfmylifesrsly 30
That sucks!
DamnedSeraph 0
haha! close. Being second rules!
kaynorr 9
damn number 12 ur fine
subMortal7331 0
Start plotting revenge on those douches!
DGross 8
2nd is second best in my book :-)
Prototype12 0
2nd means that your the #1 loser in my book
allisonchumbley 0
sucks to be you
009yp 0
ooofda that sucks
fyl1009 0
ydi for using your new car as the ride. You should have used one of their cars
eat_this_buddie 5
agreed. if you knew you where going to handle your drunk friends, shoulda used their car.
raufintoff 15
Never use your own car
FallonsRocket 0
Next time, if youre the DD, take one of the other people's cars..they'll either be more respectful, or it wont matter if they are because you dont have to clean it.
smashleighfig 0
agreed. FYL
STEREOSCOPIC 0
those aren't friends
Craw25 0
Agree with #7. Ydi
jack8765 0
lol we need more people like you AKA the people who don't mind sitting back and watching other people have fun
tifftaff14 0
sounds funnn
Horsempeg 25
10, I agree. Not many people would give up a night for their friends. OP make your friends clean your car for you. That's what I do.
vansbabe66 0
hey but at least u got to see how stupid people act when they're drunk lol
PsychoMerk 0
Agreed^^ I'm pretty sure you just got some "dirt" on your friends to force some favors upon them >:)