Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML
Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML
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Top comments
rexgar2000 10
sounds like he had a great time. could've worse at least he didn't throw up on your dress.
Draxanoth 15
Merry Chri-(insert barfing noise here)
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Comments (108)
Wheredidgrungego 12
Happy Holidays!
stevenmx86 8
19, how stupid can you be? "til death do US part".. OP, that's awful. I hope, for your sake, that he still has a job on Monday..
uKNOuLOVEit 0
Love will make you do crazy things.
boredblonde 17
Teach that asshole a lesson!
KYLAisaBITCH 4
You should have changed out of the dress.
Lowie18 0
Give your husband a hi-five for me!!!
ChrisTheCalm 9
Greatest time of the year (:
Random_ChickXD 0
To much eggnog? D:
loserman67 36
Does he still have a job? Usually stories like that include the guy telling his boss to **** off or if his boss is female telling her how much he wants her to kneel under his desk to give him a ********. Ahhhhh, the holidays are so wonderful. Enjoy your cocktail weiner, booze and cheese smelling car each and everytime you turn on the heater! Merry Christmas!
SmittyJA24 26
Some things can wait 'til morning, Sweetie. Cleaning puke off the car is one of them.
MurphyS94 4
You've obviously never cleaned up dried vomit.
SpruceDread4578 13
Dried vomit is the worst. Had to do that on my very first day at my first job...I've never felt that nauseated.