Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, some woman, sick with god knows what, didn’t vomit into the bin next to my car, or even just onto the floor, she lurched over to my car and vomited through my open window onto my shirt and legs, and down into the footwell. I can still smell it. FML
Today, whilst driving, I had the sudden urge to vomit. As I pulled over I wound my window down, stuck my head out, and emptied my stomach. At least I would have if I had wound down the driver's window instead of the back window. FML
Today, my two year-old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two-hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML
Today, the two and a half hours it took our poorly air conditioned taxi to go 20 miles in stop-and-go traffic was highlighted by our son projectile vomiting all over my wife, a suitcase, and the car. It ended with me having to pay both for the ride, as well as for cleaning the inside of the taxi. FML
Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML
Today, I had to catch a bus to work, as my car had to be taken in yesterday. The bad drivers always upset my stomach with their instant stop/start driving style. I felt a burp coming on, but it turned out to be projectile vomit that filled my mask right up and poured down my shirt and pants. FML
Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
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Top comments
lat1404 16
Turn around and get it washed again. It's worth £10.
silvercamaro 22
I guess you haven't read that many FML's, when I think of the worst ones they usually have to do with physical or emotional pain, vomit can be cleaned off.
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Comments (90)
cumberbunny 17
Ouch. This is one of the worst FMLs I've ever read! FYL indeed, OP.
wolfgold2 20
Mmmm... yummy.
kaablam 17
What a witty retort, maybe next time you should think before you spew for first.
boxbrandon11 20
All I can say is that I hope you had good windshield wipers!
silvercamaro 22
I guess you haven't read that many FML's, when I think of the worst ones they usually have to do with physical or emotional pain, vomit can be cleaned off.
kaablam 17
For the record #1s comment was simply "Ouch", they've obviously edited it since then, but dang, guess I'm the douche bag.
EdenCrystal 21
#51, I thought you were making a pun, "spew" so I thumbed your comment up.
oddities 20
#52, I thought that too. Then, my brain went to Harry Potter and I felt compelled to up vote the comment. Weird how that works, right?
AnagenisisZagus 13
You haven't been here very long, have you?
AlwaysWatching 27
If you got married to them that would be a funny "how we met" story
jojimugo 20
Wha..... Never mind ehhh.... Huhhh
ohcheriecherie 20
why would they get married...?
arandomusernameaa 20
Love at first chunder...
AlwaysWatching 27
Sure, my comment got buried, but how come #17 got thumbs up
ziy_fml 15
Oh god ew
Pinkraincoat 18
That's sick! No pun intended.
the_truth_lives 9
There was obviously a pun intended or you could have rephrased that many different ways. You must be so cool that you didn't mean to make the pun, it just happened as you were typing two words and decided to announce there was a pun in your damn comment. How stupid do you really think the FML community really is?!?
Rag_dollxx 21
That time of the month #28?
the_truth_lives 9
Yea #33 but hey at least FML just awarded me for biggest asshole
Pinkraincoat 18
No words...
kwyk 23
There were obviously words or you could have just not said anything. You must be so cool that you didn't mean to say the words, it just happened as you were typing two words and decided to announce you had nothing to announce. How stupid do you think the FML community really is?!?
scuccria 12
Plot Twist: it was the car washer's marketing strategy.
Pinkraincoat 18
You people are mean. I'm not trying to be cool, I was just informing the first guy that I had nothing to say to his comment. I don't see why there would be any point arguing with a stranger on an app. I don't think anybody is stupid, I'm not like that. You shouldn't resort to being horrible to someone you don't even know.
4funzies 13
Groady! Sorry OP. Hopefully it rains soon.
lat1404 16
Turn around and get it washed again. It's worth £10.
Miss_Latina 13
How much is that in American $?
TotallyAradical 14
There's an app for that.
oddities 20
Also, Google could tell you. It's Google.
lat1404 16
About $17
gbrodee1 5
hahahahaha
Alikia96 20
Should have scraped the vomit off of your car, collected it, sped up, and threw it back at the van... Oh wait, nevermind, its vomit.
cathrope 10
And I thought that birds ******** on my car after washing it was bad.
AviKerensky 17
Hope you had the windows up.
SgtAssCheeks 21
I've never heard of retractable windscreen glasses. Is this some sort of European trend?
cyanidesandwich 21
@18, even if the vomit hits the windshield, the fact it splattered means that it is able to go into the side windows. So I too hope OP's windows were up.
AviKerensky 17
@18 To answer your question, have you never seen an old style World War era Jeep?
SgtAssCheeks 21
@26 those old Volkswagen jeep thingy with no roofs? Of course! Although I'd ve more worried about the vomit splashing back on my head after it impacts the windscreen...
SgtAssCheeks 21
Unless OP's car is a convertible, now I can see the vomit splash on top of his head, uugh....
95DeVille 13
@18 Or an older vehicle with the tip-out front windows?