Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I saw my roommate walk out of his room into the kitchen with a used condom in his hand, and plop it into the garbage disposal. "I don't really trust this girl" is all he said before he opened his door and walked back into his room. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
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Top comments
hawright 13
I guess you didn't see that one coming... I'm sorry, I had to.
yupitssoph 18
Lovely roommate you have there. Go over to him, drop it back onto his face, and say: "I believe this is yours."
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Comments (140)
perdix 31
This is why I always sleep with my laptop guarding my face. I live alone, but sometimes I leave my windows open. I've learned from FML that laptops provide excellent protection against flying used condoms.
rattusrattus 19
I would not like to live in your neighbourhood.
BossPathfinderGM 14
Bonus points for referencing an FML more than a week old.
jacquesromualdez 12
Perdix, always a good read. :)
captainburke 5
It's funny that you didn't wake up
Dixie___Normous 0
The girlfriend must not be a screamer
BossPathfinderGM 14
If they didn't wake him, they weren't doing it right.
macpabloBUCK 1
Maybe he has a small penis and just can't get the girl to say anything
delicious69 5
I'm laughing so hard right now!!!
BlowinChronic 18
Tell me more about how we really care. They made a thumbs up button to keep these stupid ass comments from happening...
unknown_user5566 27
84- Err, well, this is awkward... Thumbs up buttons actually don't prevent comments like this from happening (they usually only keep people from replying to other comments nonsensically). The "your life sucks" and "you deserved it" buttons are what SHOULD prevent outbreaks of pointless comments. That was harder for me than it was for you. Still friends? ;)
BlowinChronic 18
Yeah you're right, sorry that's what I meant but oh well. XD
melij99 5
93 there is a thumbs down button. You don't have to try to think of something clever to say on every comment you dont like.
eatdemcupcakes 4
So hard, I'm laughing.
neurodoc 1
May be his swimmers don't go far enough and always lands short
Lucia_Malpense 14
At least it wasn't your girlfriend
trollold 0
The question is why are you such a loser that he throws condoms at you. Seriously dude get a life and a girl friend.
mrstriance94 8
He probably has a girlfriend but has 2 things; common decency and respect!
aj94w 4
Couple of things: 1) Why did you post a comment? 2) Why does him getting a condom thrown at him necessarily conclude that he doesn't have a girlfriend or life?
unknown_user5566 27
39- According to the username, s/he's a self proclaimed troll. Questions answered.
webstalkers 6
Lame comment
ElishaisSexy2016 9
Omg. That's gross. I'd hand it back to him and say " keep your shit on your side."
lacespace 8
Or: keep your **** on your side.
unknown_user5566 27
Or: "Tell her to swallow next time". Problem solved!
ElishaisSexy2016 9
Haha! Either of these choices work lol
mikepzz 27
dip it in his coffee in the morning lol
ElishaisSexy2016 9
Haha funny but gross xD
aj94w 4
That's not what I meant when I said I wanted cream in my coffee...
BossPathfinderGM 14
The best part of waking up?
ElishaisSexy2016 9
Haha! ^is cream in your cup! XD lmao
ManInTheMachine 20
That wasn't drool coming out of his mouth...