Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I saw my roommate walk out of his room into the kitchen with a used condom in his hand, and plop it into the garbage disposal. "I don't really trust this girl" is all he said before he opened his door and walked back into his room. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
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Top comments
hawright 13
I guess you didn't see that one coming... I'm sorry, I had to.
yupitssoph 18
Lovely roommate you have there. Go over to him, drop it back onto his face, and say: "I believe this is yours."
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Comments (140)
ben827 10
I actually had this happen to me the other night. My roommate is a sex-addict and has sex quite frequently. Know what I did? I took all his condoms and hid them. He said "Did I use them all already? I must have a problem." Back to you, it sucks and I know how you feel. I'd talk to your roommate about what happened. I'm sure you can reach some kind of agreement.
XxChelseexX 8
I Sooo blondeeee and I'm stupid
EpicBlondie89 19
What is the purpose of this comment exactly?
spazz666 18
To make people like you ask about it.
EpicBlondie89 19
107, according to her, she doesn't have a brain capable of thinking that that way.
unknown_user5566 27
40- Next time, skip the thought process, and just thumb him up.
starbursty 0
Step up video cameras. Then put them on the Internet (; Ohhh black mail.
onorexveritas 24
disgusting
RedPillSucks 33
Doesn't matter, had close encounter with sex... *runs from mob with pitch forks*
HKCgrimmjow 15
Well, I guess you know what your doing tomorrow night :D
brent321 10
What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little s’wit? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Vivec Ordinators, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Sixth House, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in akaviri warfare and I’m the top archer in the entire Morrowind armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Nirn, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Elder Scrolls? Think again, n’wah. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Vvardenfell and your life signature is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, outlander. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the ALMSVI Ordinator Army and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the island, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ******* dead, kiddo.
taywidd123 6
At least he used a condom...?
capnbzarr 43
Drop a deuce on his face the next time he's passed out drunk.