Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, I was cleaning my older brother's room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand. FML
Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
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Top comments
s0m3guy2010 21
It is always safer to put a condom on before making love to yourself.
thacar 1
Why impress people like that? If I saw the condom I would be disgusted, not impressed!
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Comments (191)
MagicGiraffe 12
that can't feel great...
Roevera 14
That's disgusting. You go to a lingerie store and buy some women's panties, you don't throw a dirty condom in the living room waste basket. Even people that do get laid don't do that shit. If ANYTHING just leave the condom wrapper!
sens3sfailing 25
Not really, I tried it to practice because I'm still a virgin and in a relationship that has been going on for a year and getting pretty intimate, and i want to make sure I know how to safely put it on and take it off when used so I am prepared for the special moment, but I hid the condom in my bedroom trash, I'm not looking to show off
JocelynKaulitz 28
Well, you had sex with your hand if that counts…
_duhastmich 11
1 - I'm sure it felt pretty good..
Blue_Black_fml 21
32- yet you're looking to show off on FML?
pfx2_fml 15
32- it took you a year to get intimate with your girlfriend?
TheDrudgeChild 4
74 - He's still young, I prefer that to the people who get intimate within a month or two.
patrickalamo 48
Once again, a dumb ass 1st comment. Being 1st on FML is not like getting a gold medal.
amanda2131 5
Actually, a lot of people believe in abstinence.
asoptavlo14 6
I don't know why 32 got thumbed down, he was just telling a story, even if it was graphic.
BeforeItWasCool 12
32- Don't worry. You're not showing off. No one is impressed by that strange, strange tale...
LavenderLunacy14 7
Your username, FTW. Rammstein:)
greg84_fml 21
A month or two?!?! Give me a few hours at the bar, I'll show you sexy time.
louisstephen 8
You people make me sad
woainishamu 21
Now hopefully your dog doesn't get to it.
berichsoon 11
I think OP wants the dog to get to it because that's who he's trying to impress
deBlobX 12
Giggity
SousapCody 6
That's just pitiful. And disgusting.
StanSmith_fml 9
I don't get why he would want his family members to know he's having "sex".
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Who said anything about his family finding out?
purplenerple8 6
Because everybody knows you have to have sex to be "cool" now, duh!
Dusty_Busters 15
Why else would he do this? Dummy
cheetahbaby96 8
40- Maybe he has brothers that make fun about him not getting laid or something.
miss_booboo_8 0
Maybe he doesn't live with his family.
s0m3guy2010 21
It is always safer to put a condom on before making love to yourself.
zachherbert 10
Exactly. You don't want Jill to get a rash.
Pandacupcakelove 26
True story.
Inheritance 10
And here comes Barney Stinson. ;)
Pandacupcakelove 26
108, please.
nado13579 12
How bout "Challenge accepted"? :3
DarkDaedalus009 8
Thank goodness im not the only one :)
the_anti_hipster 7
That's not something to be proud of, dude...
ppl2ppl 4
It was what people call, a "joke".
cuzo13 5
Hear that "whoosh"? That was the sound of that joke going right over your head.
savour 0
You arent either
thacar 1
Why impress people like that? If I saw the condom I would be disgusted, not impressed!
onlychildFTW 34
Same here. Used condoms look disgusting. No one wants to see that.
_duhastmich 11
63 - I'd rather see that then a used tampon.
_duhastmich 11
*thAn. Before the grammar police get me.
SmileyKyliKins 4
Nice save my friend because I am the grammar police.
Smokohauntas 3
Hey, grammar police, you forgot a comma.
sisterjameela 7
How is this an FML? Did his mom or dad find it? Did the baby sibling think it was a balloon? Too little info
canadagurl2112 3
Brutal!!!!!-
gabrayal 10
It's not that hard to pick up a girl, OP Go to the club or something.
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Not everyone is pimp like yourself ... Some ppl just don't have as much luck with the ladies or maybe he is just waiting for miss Right :)
Dusty_Busters 15
Haha yea right virgin
_duhastmich 11
Dude, he's probably like 12. I don't think he can get into any clubs. Unless it's like the Mickey Mouse club.
pmr1990 12
Yeah, checked his profile, he is 16. I'm 100% positive that this player hasn't had sex with anyone in any clubs. However, I'm sure Jill gets a thorough working over.
FMLshark 12
10: Believe it or not, hooking up from random skanks at clubs doesn't sound appealing to EVERY man. I know. The idea of a guy not whoring around is APPALLING, right? 57: A majority of people who use "virgin" as an insult are...ironically enough, also virgins. Please don't write me a detailed response trying to prove me your awesome sex life with your imaginary girlfriend, it won't work. That's all for today.
Pandacupcakelove 26
FMLshark, you're my hero.
perdix 31
#10, it can be hard to pick up girls at clubs. You have to have smooth lines, nice clothes and money to liquor them up into a stupor. If the OP wants to accomplish his goal, he can dress up as a girl and go on down to the truck stop and offer free blow jobs. He will undoubtedly be able to rid himself of his v-card.
Lucky1990 1
Well for some people it is. I found out it wasnt but beofre that just the idea of going out and picking up a girl to bring home was scary to me. So yes it's kinda easy...but its hard at the same time.
miss_booboo_8 0
Maybe he just isn't all that attractive that even drunk people can tell.
IOmnomHard 10
No one cares if you're getting laid. Seriously, sex isn't something to be 'proud' of. It's something that happens when it happens. Having it won't prove yourself to anyone.
OhDearBetrayal 25
It's the importance and 'cool' factor that's placed on it these days. Example being the common "you need to get laid" and the fact that being a virgin is something that isn't exactly regarded to very highly in the Western world. Everyone wants experience in sexual intimacy. There isn't anything wrong with being a virgin or not being one, but that's what the popular opinion is.
doodlecloud 27
Obviously that's why OP has felt pressured into doing this but 11 was saying it shouldn't be that way, that way of thinking isn't right and a good number of us don't actually care.
Trisha_aus 15
But maybe he is a 40 year old virgin?
sirsquab 12
If he's actually a 40 year old virgin, he should just go to Vegas and get a hooker.