Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I saw my roommate walk out of his room into the kitchen with a used condom in his hand, and plop it into the garbage disposal. "I don't really trust this girl" is all he said before he opened his door and walked back into his room. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
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Top comments
hawright 13
I guess you didn't see that one coming... I'm sorry, I had to.
yupitssoph 18
Lovely roommate you have there. Go over to him, drop it back onto his face, and say: "I believe this is yours."
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Comments (140)
lovepandorasaver 11
So your roommate has sex in the same room that you sleep in?? You need a bigger place or need to tell him to bang in his own room.
drewcat21 0
My guess would be college dorm room maybe?
lovepandorasaver 11
Yeah that sounds about right.
ManInTheMachine 20
If your roommate is that disgustingly lazy, you should probably also check to see that he isn't spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle for 'conservation' purposes.
aj94w 4
He didn't want to get up to throw it away so his very next thought was to toss it through the air? He's a master of logic, I'll give him that.
greenie213 23
Holy crap! Your roommate is quiet! Like a sex ninja... Or you were drunk.
gc327072 31
The Sex Ninjas.... Brb, starting a band.
BossPathfinderGM 14
A sex ninja...or a very poor performer.
X_Codes 11
The Sex Ninja: You'll never know he's there.
aj94w 4
They come quietly in the night, when you least expect it.
Nabee143 3
31 Wow! Your comment was disgusting! Ewww! However, it was funny. Lol
CeltHound 14
Get rid of him....now!
DaSandman 9
let the prank wars begin
j0elle 5
Shove it in his mouth for breakfast
perdix 31
Yikes! You had to take a facial without the cachet of saying you were in a gay **** flick.
Misskayfoyer 14
That's just gross.... Please tell me he at LEAST had the decency of tying it up before tossing it.... Still gross