Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, I woke up with a headache and a bruised forehead after my husband full-force elbowed me in the head last night in his sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact he has zero memory of doing it. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML
Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" came on before I logged onto the website and read this. Oh, the irony.
Flip3289 9
That sucks tape his arms down ;)
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Comments (71)
lizardlips 1
when he falls asleep tonight, wrap him up in blankets and then just beat the crap outta him!
Spaz0matic69 0
On the bright side, at least he won lol
davet 0
another fake FML story, just sad.
martymcfly12 0
we need a who cares button now
sirfurbs 1
pretend you had a dream that he was stung by a jellyfish and pee on him!
athos1237 4
You sure he was dreaming? You're not covering up for the abuse the night before? Seems a little far fetched.
haleycstar 0
wow- that had to hurt- but can he really punch that hard in his sleep? I mean, #81 has a point.
Imanasshole420 0
You'll get over it.
the2belo 0
HALF! I'll take half his shit!
Ijacket 0
YDI. For wanting to work outside the kitchen.