Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, I woke up with a headache and a bruised forehead after my husband full-force elbowed me in the head last night in his sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact he has zero memory of doing it. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML
Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" came on before I logged onto the website and read this. Oh, the irony.
Flip3289 9
That sucks tape his arms down ;)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
Flip3289 9
That sucks tape his arms down ;)
RandomAMF 0
Spongebob
KumoFF7 3
YDI for living in texas. howdy ya'll.
lordbane 0
lol
artcgirl 0
19. you are an idiot
allmidnighteyes 11
Hahahahahaha, Fight Club reference FTW
LP95 0
YDI for having Chris Brown as a husband
humorizer 14
19 made me laugh and I'm a texan. Also, I hate 'howdy' and 'yall'. Stupid texans with their made up words (I'm originally from NY). Also, stupid new yorkers with their "furgeddaboudit" and "youse guys". Morons.
nam3 0
well it WAS in texas so u they should be used to women getting hit and having black eyes
Amortifiedperson 0
I've lived in Texas all my life and this is not regular so seriously shut the **** up jackass
artcgirl 0
i love how they make fun of southern slang, yet there are so may words up north that are just like...WTF?
XBCX96 4
omg @44, i was just about to say that if they ask how you got the black eye, just tell them that the first rule is not to talk about it, and the second rule is to Not talk about it
amsedel 1
that's no big deal. You can just explain that to them during the interview. ^_^
partialsun365 0
haha noooo. don't do that. make up a story about how you chased down a mugger that stole a little old lady's purse but they fought back. they would be impressed by your heroic efforts(:
RussianStarchild 0
he needs sleeping pills if that's the case.
Blue_Coconuts 7
Those don't always work. I know a lot of guys that take them, including myself, and most of us still move around/talk while we dream. There's times where I have been dreaming, and dreamed that something was wrong in the "real world" and tried to wake myself up via talking/moving, but have been "trapped" in my body so to speak. It's really weird, but I moved around and have spoken before, which some of my buddies found amusing. I know that one of my buddies has hit his wife in his sleep before too, even on pills. Also if most of us are woken up for something, we have to be shaken gently by the leg or we'll freak out.
Anteezy 7
Lol yeah I move around, talk, hit and kick too in my sleep. And that feeling of being trapped while asleep I have that exact same thing :p You know you are asleep and you try to force yourself to wake up because you think somethings wrong I often just try to hit myself or wake myself up with talking. It's a weird feeling.
cpatrick820 3
Well at least you'll have the pity factor going
firstone 0
FIRST!!!!! HAHA I PWN YOU ALL!
SookMauNoots 0
fail
ananamoose 0
Looks like the only person you will be pwning is yourself, cuz your an old man that has three cats named, steve, morphius, and tickles, good luck in your life, it will be difficult cuz your a douche but ill be rooting for you (for everyone else: who names there cats those three names, that doesn't even make sense, this guy really is a douche, i kind of feel bad for him, just say something nice to him so he can get his self esteem up, wouldn't want him depressed ya know, say something like ill be rooting for you or go get 'em, something inspirational ya know? just prob dont say get er done cuz he'll just get depressed that he will never get 'er done, because of those three ridiculously named cats. Alright time to help a brotha out be a good samaritan today)
zipykido 0
Classic Freudian spousal abuse, you better watch out.
Max24KB 0
calm down sigmund
captainamerica50 0
Haha so many of the things on here make me feel depressed or mad but i just laughed at this one! Its really not as big of a deal as half the stuff on here.
dramakat11 0
Up front, tell the truth about what happened to your eye and pray for the best. Exude confidence and try to laugh it off and shift the focus swiftly to your qualifications. I wouldn't immediately disqualify someone for that, although it is slightly suspicious and they might think you're lying.
caancoha 0
Use it to your advantage!
thtnerdykid 0
#6 Fails, Not Pwns
poopsicle22 0
ohh, the irony