Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, I woke up with a headache and a bruised forehead after my husband full-force elbowed me in the head last night in his sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact he has zero memory of doing it. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend elbowed me in the eye while we were sleeping. His excuse: "You shouldn't have stayed over." FML
Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML
Today, poorly applied makeup made it look like I have a black eye in most of my wedding photos. I would have laughed it off, but I was showing them to my brother who was deployed during the actual wedding. He saw the black eye, assumed it was domestic abuse, and attacked my husband. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband trying to bite my forehead in his sleep. My response? I slapped him hard in the face. What a way to wake up. FML
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Top comments
Yudith 28
Which story do you prefer; you defeated a robber with your awesome martial arts skills, you rescued a baby that was falling from a second-story window, you bumped into a tree branch while skiing, or this outlandish story about your husband wacking you in his sleep?
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Comments (2)
Yudith 28
Which story do you prefer; you defeated a robber with your awesome martial arts skills, you rescued a baby that was falling from a second-story window, you bumped into a tree branch while skiing, or this outlandish story about your husband wacking you in his sleep?
poopface82 25
If he was really feeling bad about it, he’d report himself for domestic abuse.