Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
monicamischief 0
what is up with women not having sex after they get married? they think they can just stop pleasing their lover 'cause they are married? it's a horrible thing to do even if they don't feel like having sex, they SHOULD anyway, at least once in a while marriage is about doing things you don't want to for the other person i think it's time for a new wife who will actually have sex with you. or time to cheat if she never ever has sex with you, it's justified.
Callyn 47
Talk to her about it, a relationship (especially marriage) without sex is not a healthy one.
bitterpill1 0
ahahahahahah oh wow! you must suck in bed. but seriously, talk to like a counselor or something
NCGurl 0
#31 that wont be the right thing to do just because she doesnt feel like having sex. When men develop prostate problems or just not able to have sex anymore when they get older, do women cheat or get a divorce?! No!
glassjaw_90 0
I know who you are! haha
monicamischief 0
i think if a man couldn't have sex, she should be allowed to have a lover. if the man really loved his wife, he would allow her to be physically satisfied elsewhere. they could still stay together, but she should be allowed to have a lover. if something happened to me, and i couldn't have sex for a very long time, i would let my boyfriend sleep with someone else for the time being that's the nice thing to do. it's not right to not allow someone to fulfill their physical desires which normal people have a lot of, btw. and before you say masturbation, don't. it's not nearly as satisfying. in fact it just makes me more horny so either his wife should have sex even if she doesn't want to or she should let him sleep with someone else.
Octiskeet 0
#31- You are an idiot. Women (and men) are not obligated to have sex when they don't want to just because of marriage vows. Speaking of marriage vows, this does not make violating those terms "justified" justttt because some people retain respect for their own bodies after marriage. True, it's about compromise, but that's a two-way street and it's also about RESPECT. If you see vows as just something you have to say to seal the deal, you probably shouldn't get married. Or find someone with the same mindset, so you both can be cheating *****. :D Getting someone on the side is in no way justified. Just get a fleshlight if you're so desperate, damn. #35 is an idiot as well. That may be alright with polyamourous couples, but for the majority, love is about being faithful and having something other than sex to drive eachother to stay faithful.
ohhsnapp 0
lol. that sucks. lol that made me laugh...a lot...lol
monicamischief 0
i'm not an idiot because i know that sex is important in a relationship, and in life in general. and i shouldn't have said marriage, because i didn't mean just marriage. i meant any serious relationship. marriage doesn't have anything to do with it. relationships are give and take. and if your lover wants sex, you should give it to them at least once in a while or YOU shouldn't be in a relationship it's plain out rude to never please your partner and a fleshlight wouldn't to me much good, seeing as i am female. and as i said before, masturbation is not as good or as satisfying.
NCGurl 0
Sex isnt the key to happiness in a marriage or any serious relationship. You can be with someone that gives you amazing sex whenever you wanted, but still be miserable for many other reasons.