Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
great_lawl 0
Are you SURE she was sleep talking?
flipnfun9 0
at least she was still dreaming about you :D
Kittycate6606 0
LOL My boyfriend and i have had sex 4 times this week already and im only 13 hahah really theres something wrong with you hahah
Secret_Fire_King 0
That is something for your boyfriend to brag about.. He's gunna be a legend.. But, for some reason, you are not.. There is a name for girls like you.. I'm sure you've heard it..
almariee 2
there's something wrong with this guy? seems like there's something wrong with you, have respect for yourself jeeeze. disgusting
nesscafe_fml 17
No one cares about ur immature slutty ways. Keep it to yourself, no one is impressed. Only disgusted, if anything.
sarah2144 14
Nobody cares how many times you've had sex with your boyfriend. Furthermore, you're only 13. Having sex at 13 is nothing to brag about. It just means you're a stupid *****.
MsMegaroo 0
#35...you are a ******* creep
NCGurl 0
#43 I think there is something wrong with you... Or your parents maybe?...
anonymous0927 0
dude....you might have dream raped your wife. fyl!
monicamischief 0
@44 how the hell am i a creep? there's nothing creepy about sex. @ 39 of course sex isn't the only thing important to a relationship. i never said that. but it IS very important. you cannot have an adult relationship without physical affection. :/
funsize003 0
dudeeee hhaha get some new moves. or positions. or lube. or SOMETHING. that is not alright, banging should be funnn!
NoMercy_fml 0
Rape her and say it was a dream.
uneekfreak16 0
You guys should go to a sex therapist... maybe you can find out why she doesn't want to have sex, whether you're not doing something right or if she had been abused in childhood or if she's just not attracted to you anymore (an even worse issue), you might be able to work something out with a solution that would make you both happy, not just forcing her to have sex with you as some have suggested.