Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
MsMegaroo 0
Obvious answer is that you shouldn't be listening in on her dreams...DUHHHHH!!!!
Adrianna69 0
Maybe your doing something wrong. Maybe she doesn't ****** with you. Or shes not that attractive to you anymore. I know, Harsh. But you never know.
whatitduz23 0
lool rape sounds like a good option about now doesnt it
MsMegaroo 0
Oh and P.S....its completely your fault that you cannot sexually please her...even her subconscience know that
MsMegaroo 0
Hehehehe...nice #23, but you have to yell "SUPRISE" first so that she cant press charges!!!!
redbluegreen 41
"...Lets just say she was surprised to wake up and be having sex."
purple5 0
Odd. You should ask her about it though, could be a reason for it... and seeing as you're married, it's probably something you should be able to talk to her about.
NCGurl 0
Well at least she wasnt calling someone else's name...
Phoenixman13 0
Well dreams are a window to the consciousness.........
aback 5
And not only that, but she's apparently having nightmares about it. Time to trade her in, if it's cost-effective. Otherwise, get a girlfriend.