Today, my new girlfriend tried to get me to quit being a gynaecologist because she says touching vaginas all day is low-key cheating on her. Lady, it took years of training to get this job, which I take very seriously, and we’ve only been on 4 dates. Between my career and you, I ain’t gonna choose you. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML
Today, my girlfriend recently dumped me because she's serious about her career (temp secretary) and needs a man who’s also serious about his career. I’m an area manager for 6 hotels, making almost six figures. I found out she's now dating a very low level weed dealer. Serious career. Sure. FML
Today, my new girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female friends' numbers. Her rationale is, “When them bitches are going through some shit, a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.” When I refused, she promptly dumped me because she doesn’t "need a potential cheater” in her life. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML
Today, my fiance lost his shit when I told him that I’ve decided to go to nursing school. He claims that all nurses are cheating whores and that if I become one we’re through. His source? The troglodytes that thrive in the bowels of the internet. All because one guy got his heart broken by a nurse. FML
Today, after “talking” and flirting with my team lead for a few months, we started dating and I quit my job, which I really liked, and started working somewhere I didn’t just so we could be together. Now, two weeks after quitting, she breaks up with me. FML
Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML
Today, the girl I work with, who I’ve developed feelings for, started dating another guy at work. She’d told me that she “doesn’t believe” in dating coworkers and she doesn’t “shit where she eats.” FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
Has she ever had a gyno appointment? I cannot think of anything less sexy short of a colonoscopy.
RichardPencil 32
Tell her to become a urologist to make things even. Why didn't you think of such a simple, obvious solution?
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Comments (4)
Charlie Given 28
That's a bullet dodged 🤦♂️
Anderling 33
Has she ever had a gyno appointment? I cannot think of anything less sexy short of a colonoscopy.
RichardPencil 32
Tell her to become a urologist to make things even. Why didn't you think of such a simple, obvious solution?
Plop 17
Or a proctologist, could also work.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
You made the right choice.