Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Today, my son decided to run around a supermarket in his underwear, leaving me to chase after him. FML
Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Today, at 2:30am, I heard my baby crying on the monitor. As I got out of bed, she stopped crying and started laughing. There's nobody else in the house. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
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Top comments
cocacola999 27
The FML depends on whether the son is 5, 15 or 25...
ELoni_fml 25
And the age of the daughter in a way, if she is 1 or 21. It's not entirely unthinkable the daughter is 21 and the son is 25. If my brother would steal my bottle of vodka I would cry.
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Comments (47)
Corey122726 17
My question is why were your toddlers awake and you were still asleep? Who was supposed to be taking care of them?
Mauskau 36
Who said they were toddlers? :)
Corey122726 17
How old were you still drinking from a bottle? Or when you quit running around your house naked? (With your parents home)
DomiLove 26
Actually yes, young children, daughter a few months old and son was 2 (from my memory moderating this FML) she was sleeping because her fiancé was suppose to be watching them but also went to sleep.
8born8 18
26yrs and counting!! In my own house tyvm! My daughter and i often do streaks through the house. The bottle and liquid may have changed and my butt isn't as cute as when I was little, but still a kid at heart. Nudie runs are AWESOME! Running around naked is so exhilarating and cheeky. When was the last time you did a nudie run?
Soundslikeothers 15
plot twist: Son and Daughter are both in College
nikojhavlin 12
If this what I have to look forward too then Im ******
Journiexo 18
I hope there's a follow up!
demonfacee 14
If the son is a five year old, then that's alright. If he's a teenager or something, then hell no. I feel bad for you.
8born8 18
Aahhhh sibling antagonism. It doesn't matter how old they are, one will always do something to set the other one off. Cheer up OP, at least there weren't any "paintings" or accidents for you to clean up.
SmittyJA24 26
Sounds a lot like my childhood ... & that of my kids ... & my grand-kids....
cadillacgal79 32
Is this normal in your household?.......
SarahJacobs 1
This is either unfortunate and hilarious; or perverted and depressing. It all depends on the ages of the siblings.
CaedibusRegis 3
Sounds like something else was used as a bottle and he was running to get the real thing sick lil bastard
8born8 18
What the ****? Are you touched in the head or something? The only thing that's sick is your comment and the way your mind functions. Ugh, utterly repulsive. ******* sicko.