Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML
Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
The microwave was asking for it! Did you hear that tone it used when it beeped? It's lucky your father didn't give it the beating it deserved. Stupid ******* smug appliances.
Kinoster 20
Are you sure he was drunk? I'm always up for an argument with inanimate objects.
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Comments (63)
Kinoster 20
Are you sure he was drunk? I'm always up for an argument with inanimate objects.
shayshayshazam 14
Me: Obama is better than Romney!!! Lamp: *short circuits*
A7XCamaro 19
7 - Your lamp is obviously smart and couldn't understand how people would be stupid enough to let idiot stay in office, to a point that it couldn't take it anymore and shorted.
AGhost5445 25
Yeah I remember when my microwave didn't wave at me I got pretty mad.
shayshayshazam 14
Me: My bulb is hotter than yours! Lamp: *short circuits*
honeybadgerr 9
I always have conversations with my microwave. Whenever My food is done the screen flashes "your food is done"... I'd feel like such a bitch without thanking it
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I'm always having arguments with the tumble dryer. It's always the same problem, same issues, going round and round in circles.
Delta2Almanac 7
I'm just worried which half :/
schpanki 11
Who won the argument then?
sens3sfailing 25
The microwave obviously! OP's dad was getting stripped of his dignity!
Pleonasm 36
I like to think that it went a little like this: Dad: What are you lookin' at, you dumb microwave. Microwave: I was thinking that you were as fatty as that pork you made me cook today, you swine. You need to go cold-turkey on the booze. Dad: Whaddyou just say? Why I oughta... I'll give you some meat, you little shit. *Takes off pants and approaches microwave sluggisly.* Microwave: What would you have me do with that? I've cooked coctail sausages bigger than that. I know it says "microwave" but that's my method of cooking, not a suggestion of size of portion! Let's not exaggerate here, that's not even a weiner. Dad: You're in for it now! *starts punching microwave* Defrost that, bitch. Microwave: *beeping, buttons being mashed* 1:00 min. Start. You always were a minute-man. Dad: I'm sick of your half-baked insults! *Throws microwave to the floor and smashes it*
honeybadgerr 9
#32 - that was beautiful. I'm considering doing that as a monologue for theater.
Pleonasm 36
What kind of theater piece involves a microwave and a drunkard? Although it could be a cool idea for a sitcom.
honeybadgerr 9
Theater is a form of art and expression.. There are no limits.
DocBastard 40
The microwave was asking for it! Did you hear that tone it used when it beeped? It's lucky your father didn't give it the beating it deserved. Stupid ******* smug appliances.
Jeterforever 3
I love you man.
I_Hug_Cats 26
Better go break it up before it gets violent because apparently the microwave looked at him funny.
lambda_fml 40
What the microwave didnt want to heat his meat?
Pleonasm 36
It's because the microwave is on a different wavelength.
flockz 20
or the microwave came home baked.
dancer4life143 13
I'm hoping it was the top half of him that was naked...
astralvagan 20
What was the argument about?
UncleMuscles 5
Always blowing up the tips of hot dogs.
zingline89 18
Things are getting heated