Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Today, I was expecting lizards, spiders, and weird local insects in my hotel room. What I got was a cockroach on my toothbrush. A very tiny cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I brushed my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue, I went too far, which made me throw up. I was 20 minutes late for work. Good start. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
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Top comments
DinosaursAreCool_fml 8
That's nasty (Cleveland voice)
shellzy 20
Oh god...I just threw up a little. Cockroach free at least.
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Comments (371)
yairbearbetch 3
You gagged and a cockroach came out. What are you? A necrophiliac?
G0t4acked 8
You don't know what a necrophiliac is do you?
yairbearbetch 3
Yeah I do it's having sex with dead bodies. In doing so you can have maggots growing in your throat also if the body rotten enough it's easy enough ti swallow a cockroach.
deviable 9
I don't think cockroaches are the type of insect you should be worrying about the most when, er, being intimate with a corpse. It's usually maggots, worms, or beetles.
CrazyThyme 10
I know tht that your a sick person!!!!
cup_of_squirrels 6
Are you aware of what a necrophiliac is?
yairbearbetch 3
Lol nah saw it on NCIS and bones I figure that stuff to be at least half true
evamusical 12
Hope it didnt lay eggs somewhere inside you...
Deadzombie 2
Stomach acid would kill it As soon as it hit.
kcouture14 2
O_o
Enslaved 38
Practicing on your gag reflexes, I see.(: Sorry about the roach. My skin crawls just thinking about it!
lkalili 7
Hahaha good one!!!
ms_YoungMula 8
I bet after seeing that you didn't need your toothbrush to make you vomit
cBlackout 13
To be honest , everything about this post was unusual.
hateevryone 15
ewwww how the hell did a cockroach get in your mouth?
JinxosGirl87 0
You gagged as usual? I think your bulemic dentist has gotten you confused. I personally am terrified of roaches, so to throw up one would lead to trauma.
iluvcandy 7
It probably came in your mouth while u were sleeping