Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Today, I was expecting lizards, spiders, and weird local insects in my hotel room. What I got was a cockroach on my toothbrush. A very tiny cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I brushed my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue, I went too far, which made me throw up. I was 20 minutes late for work. Good start. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
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Top comments
DinosaursAreCool_fml 8
That's nasty (Cleveland voice)
shellzy 20
Oh god...I just threw up a little. Cockroach free at least.
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Comments (371)
SykoticWolf69 4
Like chicken
ppssshh 0
Fact: 3-4 insects crawl into your mouth every Year.
Toxic_Ninja 2
Did your wife make you a reward system to get you to brush your teeth?
bizarre_ftw 22
Time to move? You can also sue your landlord if you have one :) if it's your place though I suggest getting it tented Now!!!! These problems only get worse, people always ignore them then complain when they're worse! Don't be stupid and I'm sorry, that's creepy!!
Toxic_Ninja 2
Creepy you say?
Barette_fml 7
You usually throw up a little when you brush? You know, you're not supposed to deep throat the thing.
momo1972 3
You gotta re-think your diet
tyrone_at 8
you throw up AS USUAL..? thats gross
Zoth 0
I feel sick
Sammiches 12
What the..
leadman1989 16
All this sleep eating is RUINING your diet.