Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML
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Top comments
needleinmypants_fml 3
did you had a fun night? some ppl have animal fetishes. don't worry I respect it.
hiyourcute 0
There's no shame in puppy love
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Comments (54)
steveakafranxy 7
lol PS: 1st one, yay
hatesfate 6
ps no one cares
needleinmypants_fml 3
did you had a fun night? some ppl have animal fetishes. don't worry I respect it.
Bakayarou_fml 0
If you're serious, you're a freak. If you're not, your joke is not funny.
tasiamalaysia 0
can't detect sarcasm? ...
futtbuck101 1
**********?
kingtz 6
Jar of peanut butter?
nerdchic 5
he's a freak for respecting someones choices?
sarahbella101 7
this shouldn't even be an FML. it's perfectly normal to do that.
rawritscindy 0
your life TOTALLY sucks... not.
miume16 0
lol thats funny :D ps first! sorry i had to say it
Doortje 30
ps fail! sorry i had to say it
sassypants93 17
At least you get some action. Be thankful!
whiteboy7thst 2
I consider watching die hard mor action than that.
hiyourcute 0
There's no shame in puppy love
hellokat1 0
There really isn't. At least you know your dog will never betray you OP.
IMveryHUNGRY 3
Cats will^^
hellokat1 0
Haha, true ^
BrittanyPernell6 0
hahaha wow guess the guy that was there musta just played a horrible joke on u at least that's what'd I would go with
instnt1nfction 17
there was no human life form that she does sexual intercourse with at this current time
instnt1nfction 17
shit, wrong comment
krysxkatastrophe 14
At least he has a good owner!
lovemeorloseme7 4
most people call their dog "baby" IN the baby voice. i do that to my chocolate lab all the time. hes my number one man and i would never trade it for the world. i always roll over and kiss him on the head every morning and every night. best cuddle buddy ever. i choose him over my boyfriend even. haha
instnt1nfction 17
if you love your dog why did you call him "it"
nothingtodisplay 7
that what it's like with my baby she's me life I would do anything for her!!
sweet_candy_ 17
Well only you can change that. If you don't like it go out and find someone.