Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML
Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, I tried to take a cute selfie with my dog. Right as I hit the button, he sneezed on my face. Now I have an unexpected "glamour shot" that captures him mid-sneeze and me looking horrified, and I'm somehow still tempted to post it. FML
Today, I've had a cold that just won't go away for the past few days. After staying painfully awake for most of the day, I eventually fell asleep in the afternoon. When I woke up, I found my hungry cat sitting on my chest. She then sneezed in my face and walked out of the room. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
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Top comments
Doomwyte 11
Yes, this is how dogs work.
Waxwell 21
At least it didn't come out the other end
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Comments (78)
Waxwell 21
At least it didn't come out the other end
friday9733 11
Can confirm, dog has farted in my bed before, would trade for a sneeze.
PhinIt2WinIt 24
both have happened to me and the fart is the worst. unless the dog had licked its balls or something, the OP doesnt have to worry.
JarOfPeachz 9
I was just thinking of that when I read the fml.
Cads1 24
Your life sucks.
YodaMyNameIs 15
I believe there's a button for that.
Estrangement 25
The FML community never fails to surprise me. Normally these comments get downvoted into oblivion. Seeing 2s comment be upvoted, well.. Its like seeing a ******* unicorn.
tantanpanda 26
To be fair, #2 IS a dog.
Doomwyte 11
Yes, this is how dogs work.
negb 30
Did it happen to be a pug? My pug did this on a daily basis.
krazy789 28
what a wonderful way to wake up
teentee401 37
Seriously, this is every day in the life of a dog owner.
Wizardo 34
He was baptising you, bless you.
mareike 16
Oh man, I wish I had a dog.
enderman99125 13
me too
more4me 27
Me too!
christophbak 14
Sneeze back in his face to show dominance
A07 48
I hope your dog isn't a golden retriever OP otherwise you just got a Golden Shower.
patte_fml 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Did you [howlingly] say "bless awohooo" in return?
The12thPaladin 8
You tried.
gamerdude99 9
and failed
FunnnyGirrl 19
Yum, breakfast.
MoxleyCrue 17
If this is an fml then your life is wonderful.