Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML
Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago, I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML
Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML
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Top comments
marmots 0
It sounds like you've been partying with Ke$ha.
cwmbear 0
was it smooth or crunchy peanut butter?
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Comments (285)
rhpsfan9 10
Sounds like you had a good time (:
mariselita93 7
hangover maybe?
ajsciri4 0
so tell me, how is ecstasy?
jsmn2010 0
sounds fun lol
WickedPixie 0
No pants and peanut butter = you tried to have sex with the peanut butter. Soaking wet = you collected morning dew. In the driveway = nobody loves you enough to bring you inside to avoid humiliation. Glitter? Craft herpes. No idea where that came from, though. Maybe you motor-boated a stripper, you motor-boating sonofabitch.
OfficeNinja 5
it's better you don't know all the details, but they involve a goat. it's all over you tube, just do a search.
unclepester 0
Edoe11xx 0
Hangover moment! Lol
El_PeN_Is_ 1
Obviously, first thing we all think is "Alcohol/Drugs!" But. What if the op, that sounds really sincere in his inquiry, was simply a bad case of sleepwalker? His family saw what happened, but didn't want to wake him up. And this no pants + no more peanut butter + glitter sounds like an embarrassing story, no matter how you try to take it....
cupcakeslayer 0
this is why I redesigns from clicking YDI. what if she was slipped the date rape drug(even if the family did it just for laughs) or like you suggested a sleepwalking/ blackout / other health issue.
Daydreamer4466 6
It sounds like you a great time. Pray there's no photo's out there.