Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML
Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago, I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML
Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML
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Top comments
marmots 0
It sounds like you've been partying with Ke$ha.
cwmbear 0
was it smooth or crunchy peanut butter?
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Comments (285)
Adjbck 0
damn i want to know what happened at that party
alaskasfml 0
more importantly, why weren't we invited to that party? "today i'll be going to an insane party at _____! i will not remember shit tomorrow! fml?" oh, if only..
duhh_winning 0
german people arnt funny...
shayshay1001 5
atleast u didnt wake up to someone sticking a finger in u!!
elite_stoner 0
I think it would be funny if I didn't see the creepy smile in your pic
moosemonkey1000 6
Are you being quite serious?
alyslove 5
Is your name Ke$ha, perhaps?
mrahhhhh 21
**** you so hard OP. I eat Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all the time. And I use Skippy peanut butter. I'm gonna be forced to think of this FML everytime I eat one!
alyslove 5
is your name Ke$ha, perhaps?
RainbowHeadache 2
Ke$ha finally got an FML posted.
alaskasfml 0
finally a clever response having to do with ke$ha and not a repeat of "were you partying with ke$ha?" or "are you ke$ha?" you own at life.
RainbowHeadache 2
It's pretty obvious that it's Ke$ha because the gender is male. So I decided not to even ask if it was Ke$ha.
armorf0r 7
point proven perfectly lol
ceepevoy 0
I'll have what the op had please!
alaskasfml 0
obvioisly they tried the drug Ke$ha is on laced with a drug called Charlie Sheen and a little bit of Katy Perry. it's very tricky to make. we'll talk later.
ceepevoy 0
can I get whatever drug the op had please?
barlessprison 16
I think you've got the wrong website. Let me direct you to textsfromlastnight.com
grandpaearthling 2
he was already covered in glitter when he licked the peanut butter off my balls. now the dog is mad because we are out of peanut butter
Mattsta123 5
well your grandpa+peanut butter+you... you don't want to know