Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML
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Top comments
cahlalsteel 1
hold your breath
FriskyTaco 0
At least he didn't shit the bed...
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Comments (98)
Deathhound 27
Well, why did you get intimitate with him first?
Shuffles 0
shit happens :p
rezzel 0
babe is this u? lol
omnipotency 0
Booze is a hell of a drug
bubo_fml 11
Insert a wine cork into the offending orifice...Problem solved!
bubo_fml 11
Then again...If U stick a wine cork in his bum hole, pressure could build up & the cork could become a lethal projectile...Damn, sometimes the bedroom is such a battle zone!
EPICROCKERNINJA 8
I didn't notice that til' now...
bubo_fml 11
U said you'd never get intimate with him AGAIN, but U did anyway...Why return? Are U not satisfied until the fog horn goes off after U get off? Is sex just not the same w/o hearing the clappers rattle after the snapper saddles? It's not done until you hear the toot after the big shoot? Gotta have the funk after the spunk? (I'm sure there's a delicate way to address this abnormal affliction...Hope I helped by raising awareness!)
hiLife808 0
I've read this FML a dozen times and no where on it does it state that OP was drunk or drinking. Maybe OP was set up on a blind date and the guy was decent through dinner but was terrible at sex or too kinky for her liking and that's why she found him disgusting?
Habling 6
Or maybe she was desperate and he was the only tool who could screw her.
Zitho 0
You woke at 7 am? I would have gotten fresh and went down stairs. I gotta have a bowl, gotta have cereal.
ftw487 9
Thats hot lol