Today, I woke up and realized I'd experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I'm a 24 year-old guy who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML
Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my man juice all over me. I'm 40 years-old, and haven’t had a wet dream since my early high school days. The worst part is that the only dream I remember involved going to the DMV. FML
Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been married for six months, my husband and I are in our early twenties, and not only does he have absolutely no interest in any kind of sexual act with me, he actually becomes angry and irritated when I try to come on to him. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
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Top comments
vrock 0
Wow, its bitches like you that make me love my girlfriend
allmidnighteyes 11
Is your "BF", by any chance, the hamster in your profile picture?
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Comments (76)
alicia_was_here 3
let me guess. since you got yours in a dream, id say your wife isnt getting any. FHL :(
anfernizzay 0
@meepmeep it's true though, any 15 year old who "gets action all the time"=***** whether male or female.
hazelkee 0
^^
whrobins431 4
hey he must be getting some in his dream hahaha
tightshot 0
Dude if ur married and having so little sex that ur creaming ur pants at night it's time for a hooker o an affair
sparkleprincess 0
thats really sad. is this why my bf doesnt wanna marry me . he's convinced something "changes" yeah this is gotta be it.. your girls a b i t c h
heyitsexxiibabii 0
wooow...my 13 year old boy friend had his first 3 years ago
TheCalendarGirl 5
You're thirteen, shut up.
mc1900 4
you suck - your life sucks. if you've been married 3 months and are not ever having sex there is something seriously wrong. you most likely have no libido.
hazelkee 0
soo.. my mom didn't have u no wut till she was married for three years.
HugsForEveryone 12
Lol, I voted yes, your life sucks. What number was I? 6969. I hope this amused someone. Oh, and your life does suck.
metal8214 0
I am very amused (amused hard)
TheBigHater 2
F u c k i n g hilariouse
Playdoh95 0
I say whorehouse!! XD