Today, I woke up and realized I'd experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I'm a 24 year-old guy who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML
Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my man juice all over me. I'm 40 years-old, and haven’t had a wet dream since my early high school days. The worst part is that the only dream I remember involved going to the DMV. FML
Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been married for six months, my husband and I are in our early twenties, and not only does he have absolutely no interest in any kind of sexual act with me, he actually becomes angry and irritated when I try to come on to him. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
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Top comments
vrock 0
Wow, its bitches like you that make me love my girlfriend
allmidnighteyes 11
Is your "BF", by any chance, the hamster in your profile picture?
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Comments (76)
jakeidk 0
your a bitch. I'm glad I didn't marry you...
FMLjudge007 0
(bombtastic). and then they wonder why we cheat.
hobsonbrendan 0
bombtastic, your an jerk. EVERY guy knows that the sex cuts off. but after 3 months, the party just peaked. start walking around the house in just a condom. or trash bag it. the best way to forgiveness is the walk of shame and humor. Shell think it's hillarious and will be get back on in no time. trust me, I had to do this with my fiance... good luck.
123e3 0
That stuf doesn't happen to me anymore for some reason and I'm 14 O.o
apfunction 0
YDI for getting married. you obviously don't read too many fmls. married guys get jack shit.
mtc4ever 0
you better have been dreaming of your wife lol
maebites 0
pahhahahaha, that sucks for you. i'm fifteen, and get tons of action with my bf.
moshdog18 0
tons of action at 15: i.e. ****
meepmeep_fml 0
Listen, so-called "****-shaming" is NOT okay. Maybe you're jealous because you weren't sexually active at 15, maybe you consider yourself to uphold a strict moral code which others just don't live up to--but IN ANY CASE, your comment is ******* offensive and you owe that girl (and any other girl you've treated in this way) a serious apology. But more than apologizing, you need to sit back and consider what has instilled such a terrible double-standard in your way of thinking, so that any girl who claims to get "action" is suddenly a ****, whereas (I'm sure this is the case with you, so don't act like it isn't) a male, even a 15 year old, would deserve a high five for that same statement. You need to do some soul searching, and in the mean time stay away from ALL WOMEN, because you don't deserve their attention. Go **** yourself.
allmidnighteyes 11
Is your "BF", by any chance, the hamster in your profile picture?
ChristinaLuv 0
How exactly is she a ****? She has a boyfriend, retard. One person doesn't make her a ****, no matter what age or how many times she has sex. Clearly you didn't get any till you were very old, or you're still a virgin. So shut the **** up.
GiganTronic 0
Your comment made me want to punch a baby. Thought you should be informed of the ramifications of your shameless shaming.
CableX17 0
meepmeep. Get off the damned high horse b*tch. Seriously, writing a long comment doesn't instantly make you kool and/or everyone respect you. So lay off it.
noahvs67 0
it's funny how most of these dumbasses don't know what **** means. it doesn't mean someone who ***** young it means someone who ***** everyone
OfficialBeatlesF 0
thanks for sharing
woopdattrick 5
Damn girl, shave those caterpillars above your eyes.
lauren_forever 1
that's cause morals stopped being taught by the time you came around. enjoy that teen pregnancy, low self esteem, self loathing, STD's and regret when you're 30. also, get a lot of action while you can, no one is gonna wanna touch that shit when it's all saggy. :D
Kyp_kingofhearts 12
Well we're not all sex addicts. Kids are so promiscuous nowadays.
alizzette_nabash 6
I'm not gonna say you are a **** but tons of sex at 15 may lead to 16 and pregnant. Too young dude.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Being that this was written almost seven years ago at this point, I sincerely hope you regret everything you've done, because being sexually active at 15 is nothing to be proud of. And #22, gender doesn't matter, anybody who's sexually active at 15, boy or girl, needs to go to their rooms and think about their lives.
Erindub 0
Why wouldn't she give you any?! What a ****. I
michelleyily 0
why couldnt you say wet dream ?
Ninjaface 0
Wait, so you're 24 and you've never had a wet dream before? Whatever you've been doing for the past 10-11 years, maybe you should start again.