Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML
Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, my boyfriend died. I was crying in my room when I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was my mom coming to comfort me, but instead she yelled and screamed at me for doing the dishes wrong. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML
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Top comments
Megalomania_fml 0
It's your moms fault for not telling you about her new boyfriend. I'd do the same.
adjacent 2
Mom: hmm I think its a good idea to let this big burglar looking guy in the house without my childrens knowledge, obviously they'll know its my BF!
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Comments (103)
slummer05 0
Your mom should inform you more
d4_user 5
lies. anybody who would hit a home intruder over the head with a vase would also be too stupid to use a keyboard to type this. think about it; that shit only happens in the movies. if a burly guy was preparing to rob and rape you, would you comically break a vase over his head, or would you hit him with something more substantial?
Porcupine011 0
No offense but really a vase? But I bet I would do that and that's kinda scary but I would hit him with anything I could find Like my cat maybe Jk but I'm just imaging ur face when u hit him with the vase. Hahah that sucks!
animal50199 10
MOM- "Meet your new daddy! WTF did you do to him!" OP- " Sorry!" MOM- "Why can't I just introduce you to my boyfriends without you striking them over the head! JESUS!"
FMLlifesucks11 1
That's what I would have done. I would freak out if some guy I didn't know was standing in my kitchen! It's your mom's fault for not telling you, you just followed your instincts.
BeautyOfGrac3 6
I know how you feel!!! My mom has not done that to me once, not twice, but three times. It sucks when they think it's smart to not tell u there is a grown man hidin in ur home
Ugi 27
That's incredibly thoughtless of your mother - it may be her house but she can't expect to let random people wander around without at least introducing you!
AyOoDaLoBo33 10
I actually think it's the bf's fault for dropping in unannounced and with no introduction...