Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom thought it would be funny to wake me up with a monster mask on, holding a knife, and screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" My first response was to punch her in the face then kick her. Guess who's grounded for a month. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, my alarm went off at 6:30am. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year-old guy. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, my mom came to my room to tell me that there were guests coming over. Five minutes later, she came to my room to scream at me for not doing the dishes, “like she just told me.” When? FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML
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Top comments
metallica_wins 20
MADD: Moms Against Dirty Dishes
Aligator67 12
Sounds like an... Interesting mom. Good luck OP. FYL
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Comments (95)
Aligator67 12
Sounds like an... Interesting mom. Good luck OP. FYL
caohm 18
I'd hate to see what happens if you got unexpectedly pregnant
TheWildRover1 12
It serves them right for not cleaning up the feckin dishes! I have a rule, (I don't go by this rule myself I just force other people to) you make a mess you clean it!
ShiiteDisturber 9
Was the knife dirty? Maybe she wanted you to clean it as well... if that ever happens that is.
metallica_wins 20
MADD: Moms Against Dirty Dishes
WhoWhat_fml 10
I am not sure if you deserved it or not from leaving dirty dishes...
bubblyhayley 16
#2 your replys on these fmls today r gold!!
EternalRest 5
Parents always find a way to get their point across..
loganHchrist 9
Do your dishes then
crazytwinsmom 25
And wash your sheets.
LadyDelphinea 4
And that is why you should do the dishes... Punishment comes in all shapes and sizes
minesbiggerr 25
Anytime anywhere
MortenM 17
Yea. That also sounds like a **** title #59.
barricadebabe 15
That wasn't very knife of her
ThatFancyPenn 18
Did you just
rawr_ily96 24
Yes. Yes she did.
Ambient25 25
That was a pretty good stab at a pun.
MrRazzle 4
Okay 6, I think we got the point.
tiernang 21
Guys! cut it out! Some people here don't like puns.
CheeseTron 15
knives
arandomusernameaa 20
Everyone here is getting a bit edgy over all these knife puns...
TacticalTrumpet 14
Dang. FYL. Just be glad you didn't accidentally get stabbed in the process.
crazytwinsmom 25
Or turn the knife on her before realizing who it was.
deepvira 16
Be a lamb and do the dishes next time please. It's for your own good.
Aspireworks 12
I don't believe transmogrification is really a vital component of doing the dishes. If fact, I imagine it would be infinitely harder without the convenience of thumbs. There's a reason lamb is served and doesn't serve. Hooves.
deepvira 16
lamb - a sweet innocent mild-mannered person.
abhi95 31
Wow! Did she get that on tape? Please say yes! >
junkman6 22
Some of the punishments parents on FML come up with make me happy my parents just used a wooden spoon and the good ol' foot in ass.
radwanov 14
foot in ass???? sounds too extreme and kinky
davidislost 11
That wooden spoon taught me to respect and honour authority. Not a bad thing, not abusive.
PianoVibes 6
#47 I dont think that's the point.
radwanov 14
i was being sarcastic... idiot