Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML
Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, my alarm went off at 6:30am. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year-old guy. FML
Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML
Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML
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Top comments
PSQ91 6
At least you know your home is safe.
Mirorbo 27
Thank your lucky stars you're not from Texas, darling. He would have shot you.
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Comments (82)
dayve 0
haha funny.
gamercanadian 11
dude we r from BC it's nothing new for something like this to happen :)
novair 5
hi meg
TheDrop 0
lose some weight OP. then maybe you wouldn't be knocking over your furniture
OceanBreathesSal 5
just because he is knocking over furniture, doesn't mean OP is fat. I'm not sure about you, but where I live it gets pretty dark when it's in the middle of the night and I can't see anything. that usually leads to me running into furniture, and in under weight.
TheDrop 0
It gets really dark anywhere at night. unless you live in Alaska.
jessicaax 0
That statement is false.
24788 7
Your dad is crazy. If someone breaks into your house you don't panic. You take an assessment of the situation. He sounds very paranoid,.
marinus_fml 20
If someone broke into my house I'd **** them up. No risk assesments needed. ******* have to learn someday!
helloletsgo 0
#11 I agree
afdude87 6
yeah, I'd be greeting a break in with my sig sauer.
Prankster7o7 5
I'd prefer an M1911 .45 ACP.
samadams42 0
haha assement is time to get ****** up!!!
24788 7
You guys know nothing about this kind of thing. Most people end up injuring their own family when they think there's an intruder, so shooting your kid or hitting your kid is a good idea. Why protect them then if you don't care about them? Assess the situation.
Paendemic 0
^ what the **** are you saying...
PSQ91 6
At least you know your home is safe.
SolaPhan 0
word
ygdrassil 17
Yeah…safe from you.
DjeePee 25
Someone didn't put the light on...
theten_fml 9
that's what you get for eating his lemon pie!
LemonStarship 5
Legit.
Eerrrh 0
Daddy said knock you out...
sourgirl101 29
I'm gonna knock you out Mama said knock you out....(:
Graawr 7
Didn't you turn on the lights?
insanesna1l 0
don't you watch horror movies? you never turn on the light
tooFLY 0
turning on the lights resets your internal clock, which makes it harder to go back to sleep...
Brennanrulez 0
turning on lights prevents pumping into furniture, which presents being prematurely forced back to sleep by an impact to the face.
TBird18 0
At least he only went mike Tyson on your ass, could've been worse.
marinus_fml 20
It could have been worse. He could have knocked you out with a baseball bat....cheer up
BahahahLOL 0
At least he didn't knock you up.