BoomHeadshot
Australia
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
anonymous
Canada
Occam's razor
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Caution
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Andy
United Kingdom
Stealth
Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML
annoyed
Paradise Valley, United States
Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7 a.m. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
charapos
Smashing awakening
Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML
ClumsyTeen
Staten Island, United States
Light sentence
Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML
Anonymous
Canada
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Kaz
United States
Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML
Anonymous
Perth, Australia
I don't know my strength
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Top comments
linkinpark98 24
Wow... I guess Windex really does do wonders!
a1f0sff 25
Smart.
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Comments (86)
a1f0sff 25
Smart.
VictoriaSchultz 8
Karma got you good. YDI
hellbilly205 17
You're suppose to open the door before you try and go through it!
starman02 12
Hehe! At least you know for next time where exactly the door is ;)
capper44 18
#27 : the best bio i have ever read lol Right oN lol
jerseyboy732 16
smarter than your comment
Jonkbaby 23
whyd you do that
qwaszxwesdxc 0
He must have a bird brain.
hahafylop 4
At least you didn't go Amare on the glass and have to have surgery because you punched it...
MichellinMan 20
were you already drunk? your fast.
MedKits 9
Dumbass! Refer to my picture.
hellbilly205 17
Are you by any chance Doc Bastards medical assistant? And nice That 70's show reference.
nublets 12
30- DocBastard needs no assistant. They would only assist in stealing his awesome thunder!
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
We are but mere peons living in his earthly kingdom.
DocBastard 40
Um...what? I remember when people here used to hate me. Good times.
LunaDragon 10
Don't worry doc, I still hate you. Oh and predix too. ;-} Although I am missing IKickGingers more Witter comments, whatever happened to her?
nublets 12
46- must have fallen asleep in class that day >.>
MedKits 9
I'm actually in the process of cloning my own Doc Bastard. "oh, to be an assistant to him?" you might ask. No, actually I will create an alternate timeline in which the student becomes teacher. Then I will order him around and make my clone of Doc Bastard do his own history and physicals while I do my own ddx when he brings his diagnosis to me just to shit on parade. MUHAHAHA! *cough* So uh, yes 30, if that answers your question, I'll be going now...
hellbilly205 17
Well uhh yes i guess that does chap, goodbye now.
hahafylop 4
Doc, maybe one of your 5000+ comments changed people's outlook on you.
nate_msm 0
Well that teaches you to stay out behind your mothers back.
BossFML1996 1
YDI, Do not go behind you're parents back.. What if something bad happened like you got injured? They wouldn't know
linkinpark98 24
Wow... I guess Windex really does do wonders!
hellbilly205 17
Streak free shine, everytime!
tessa1110001 12
Obviously he was drunk...it's a party
DooleyFTW 17
That's right op! Don't take shit off no glass window! **** the system
LookOnBrightSide 12
Reminds of the time I ran right into one of those sliding windows, thinking it was open. Good times...
SkoomaKi 28
You're doing it wrong! Use a door next time? Say you slept at a friends and you were coming back? Say you went for a midnight walk. The excuses are endless. But I can't help but feel You Deserved It!
SammySteel 6
If you're stupid enough to put yourself in that situation then you had it coming.
vintage3113 6
Retard
Mister_Triangle 21
Hey, that's not cool; retarded people get offended when you compare them to people like OP
linkinpark98 24
^ *She