Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML
Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, my boyfriend died. I was crying in my room when I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was my mom coming to comfort me, but instead she yelled and screamed at me for doing the dishes wrong. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML
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Top comments
Megalomania_fml 0
It's your moms fault for not telling you about her new boyfriend. I'd do the same.
adjacent 2
Mom: hmm I think its a good idea to let this big burglar looking guy in the house without my childrens knowledge, obviously they'll know its my BF!
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Comments (103)
dielfrag14 0
Hahahahahahahahaha fyl
AwkwardPolygon 0
Mom's new BFDI. Why? Mom has been dead for 7 years *DUH DUH DUH!*
iluvmemicookies 0
hopefully he was huge enough to take the blow....
H3adFonHyStRiA 0
that's what she said
CommonSenseKarma 17
That's what he said.
Brown4life 0
ouch
jazzylove22171 0
she didnt think it would be a good idea to tell you.?
AnagenisisZagus 13
Happy Birthday, Jazzy.
Perksofbeingawal 0
Happy Birthday, Jazzy. :)
cryssycakesx3 23
he didn't say he didn't know, just that he didn't *realize*
Megalomania_fml 0
It's your moms fault for not telling you about her new boyfriend. I'd do the same.
Acousticpixie14 6
I know, right? That's not OP's fault at all. I'd bash some random guy over the head, too.
adjacent 2
Mom: hmm I think its a good idea to let this big burglar looking guy in the house without my childrens knowledge, obviously they'll know its my BF!
FYLDeep 26
I hope you made him a sammich after. You were in the kitchen.
SirEBC 7
Old and tired, LIKE YOUR MOTHER! Oooohhhhhh...solid.
lemoncows 2
burn like a poptart
ElectricGhost_fml 5
everybody makes mistakes no I'm not saying that from the song haha
AnagenisisZagus 13
I love you...er hair. =)
ElectricGhost_fml 5
haha
chaywood13 0
its better than a number of things he could have done. it's not the best choice, but it's better.
Shek_FMLs 3
You're gunna have to do a lot for him to erase that moment out of his mind.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Not really. Just cosh him again. According to the television, he'll immediately get amnesia.
goaliemkl123 8
TELEVISION IS ALWAYS RIGHT
reject4life 0
ehh not your fault scary man survival skills set in . kill him. :)
Roxxay 6
you hit him with a vase? does people really do this? I always thought only crime thriller could make that seem real but yeah, thank you for letting me know that this actually works !! oh and it probably sucks to hit your moms new boyfriend. just imagine they'll marry and you'll always be the devil child that knocked out the step-dad.. I'm sorry :)
ElectricGhost_fml 5
haha devil child hahaha