The sleepwalkers are at it again!

Today, my mom complained that I never do anything nice for her, so while out shopping I bought her favorite chocolate bar. When I got home, she screamed at me because she’s on a diet. FML

Proportional response

Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML

And I Oop

Today, my mom was screaming and throwing things at me and I didn’t know why. Then I checked the date. Her birthday was yesterday. FML

As a treat

Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

Hmmm, candy

Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she went back to bed. FML

Revenge

Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML