Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
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Top comments
Norja 33
That is so gross. I feel sorry for everyone else who was in the pool FTLs
olpally 33
Caddyshack!! DOODY!!
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Comments (113)
NagainaFier 16
I've had this discussion a fair few times. Not here, but anytime spanking is brought up, there's always someone going 'IT'S CRUEL TO SPANK.' If you have a child who doesn't need to spanked, and responds well to being sat down, explained why their behavior was wrong, and then never repeats the behavior again, good for you. Don't spank that kid. It's over kill and not needed. However, if you have a kid who DOESN'T do that, then a firm ass whipping every now and then will curb future shitty behavior. I personally believe that when they're old enough to grab things, you pop their hands when they start trying to, say, touch the stove. I'd rather have a kid with a red mark for three minutes than one with a three day burn. Once they're old enough to reason, you tell them if they do x, then y will be the punishment. (1 lick with the belt, three swats with your hand, whatever) Follow through a few times, and eventually they won't test you when you say 'you're gonna get a spankin'.' Also, you never discipline when you're pissed off. That's asking for trouble. But so long as the parents are responsible, I think it's fine. My parents raised me the exact way I listed, and I feel no ill will or resentment towards them, and am a relatively well adjusted member of society. What I DO feel resentment for is when a toddler throws a temper tantrum in a restaurant because he doesn't know how to accept that he was told no and wants ice cream, and the ******* parents just sit there and do nothing.
mosquito19 14
children are disgusting
SlapAndTickle 20
So are you I'm sure!
militarybrat 21
Multiple thumbs up number 56!! I cant stand the way some kids are in public!
Taurus_ChicKa 37
How old is your son? Surely old enough to know better if he's going on a diving board by himself while you're applying sunscreen...in which case, punishment is definitely necessary. And I agree with people saying he needs to be spanked. Has he not been properly taught what is acceptable behavior in public and what is not? Kids these days aren't disciplined, and that's why they do things like this all the time - they think/know they can get away with it because parents aren't doing their job. I hope you punished him, OP, because not only is that gross, but the whole pool had to be closed down to fish the shit (literally) out of the pool, and then it had to be cleaned and sanitized to prevent the spread of any diseases. Everyone would be pissed at you, and quite frankly, I don't blame them. So it's gross and a penalty for the innocent pool-goers.
monnanon 14
i love your gross generalisations. many kids today are disciplined and disciplined well bit little boys are fascinated with potty humour and no amount of discipline will stop kids from pushing boundries every so often. the reason why kids dont appear to be disciplined is because if you so much as shout at yoyr kid in public for something they have done then the pc brigade are on your back calling you a bad parent. we parents get crap no matter what we do.
Obey_StudBoii 23
How old is he? I feel sorry for the dirty looks you probably got from everyone as you left.
m3lyc 18
That is disgusting and he definitely needs to be punished. If it was me, I would be giving him a spanking, after a good talk to make sure he knows why he was getting spanked.
zolziski 11
Although I agree with pretty much everything you're saying, I would just like to share my opinion on the whole "ignoring a kid while they're having a temper tantrum" thing... Though I agree that it's not acceptable to do this in a restaurant and that you should either leave, take your kid to the bathroom to sort them out, or not go to restaurants at all (I haven't been to one without a children's play area in way too long), but I think there are times when really the best response to a tantrum is to act like it's not even happening. My one daughter went through a horrible phase where she would throw the most ridiculous tantrums, rolling around on the floor, screaming. I tried time-outs, I tried spanking and neither worked. I then would just absolutely ignore it. Within a week and half she stopped throwing tantrums. My point being really that you need to find what form of punishment/what kind of reaction works with your child. Depending on the age of the OP's son, a hiding might not even have much affect. I remember my brother stopped being affected by hidings at a much younger age than me and would pretend to cry to keep up the charade ha ha.
jskains 6
There is a reason some species consume their young. :)
venom2421 10
Today, I was swimming in a public pool, as I swam under the diving board I felt something drop on my head. Turns out some idiotic kid decided to drop a deuce off the diving board. FML
le_miserable 5
For poor OP's sake, hopefully no older than 5...