Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
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Top comments
Norja 33
That is so gross. I feel sorry for everyone else who was in the pool FTLs
olpally 33
Caddyshack!! DOODY!!
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Comments (113)
kthsdm 12
I hope it wasn't diarrhoea. Imagine the horror of those in the pool. Just like in the piranha movie. Only shitier
dimespot 5
Should have trained him better. More, and more random beatings.
twinkiefeets 17
Your son is disgusting and old enough to know better if he blames you for getting kicked out. You better get control of your kid.
rosenkrieger223 24
Indeed. Get control of him before he does something really serious that could potentially land him in Juvie.
mismis_fml 7
I hope u beat his a** when he got to the car n again when u got home!!
buckdharma 38
6.8- If he would have done this from a handstand position I would have given him a higher score for degree of difficulty.
OnlyTheDarkest 17
Just no flipshits please.. xD
Kuramasan_fml 12
Yeah. This is why spankings were invented. 8/
bluevayero 42
i have never been in favor of violence and especially towards children, but your son has opened new horizons for me
False_Stupidity 42
You just HAD to go and say that didn't you, 34 comments without any sign of a 'shitty situation' remark and then you had to go ruin it.
rockyannie 11
you raised a dumbass or should I say dump ass
clemsi 20
your pun was bad, and you should feel bad
LennyComa 39
Simple solution just make him wear diapers again, I mean like force him to wear diapers for a month, take everything away unless he wears the diapers including Cell Phone, TV, Hot meals, Everything. Then publicise it on Facebook and other social media. Guaranteed he will Never drop a deuce in the pool again