Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
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Top comments
Norja 33
That is so gross. I feel sorry for everyone else who was in the pool FTLs
olpally 33
Caddyshack!! DOODY!!
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Comments (113)
processengineer 9
if hes over age of three punishment is warranted
rinoa_fml 10
"Dropping the kids off at the pool" does not actually involve a pool.
AngrySailor 17
He should have tried for the elusive "cannonball dookie". Go big or go home no?
gottageek 17
You were beaten by 20 comments. They took all the thumbs ups. Check prior comments before dropping the witty, fml related remarks, that's how you win the game.
KiddNYC1O 22
Drop a deuce and prove to them that it couldn't be yours lol
NekoNekoMidnight 7
All she was doing was putting sun screen on, and at a pool there are also life guards. So although she wasn't watching him "intensely" there was really no need to. If he's old enough to swim and talk, then he's old enough to know how to behave long enough for her to put on sunblock. Don't blame her, it was the child's choice to take a dump in the pool, no matter how old.
phoneYuNOlisten 16
Take responsibility as a parent and do something to make him learn his lesson
courtz94 24
The only way that it's your fault is if he's little enough that you have to take him to a bathroom and help, or if he's a child and doesn't know where the bathroom is and you don't show him where it is, or get him to one. It doesn't sound like the first scenario is the case, but since we don't know an age, there's no telling. And just because he's old enough to climb the diving board doesn't mean he's old enough to know better.
OnlyTheDarkest 17
I would've at least yelled "Look out below!" Somebody needs to fix his crappy manners..
havok87 11
Doesn't matter how old he is. Beat his ass!