Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML
Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, feeling very distant from my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
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Top comments
Eliseopwns 22
Teenage fads... Not your fault. A good laugh for her future self, you know?
tjv3 10
Well you started going wrong when you allowed a cardboard cut out of Edward Cullen into your house
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Comments (98)
Eliseopwns 22
Teenage fads... Not your fault. A good laugh for her future self, you know?
tjv3 10
Well you started going wrong when you allowed a cardboard cut out of Edward Cullen into your house
AshleyScruggs 14
I struggle to see what girls find attractive about Rob Pattinson as Edward Cullen.
helen_ellexo 22
"Chronically constipated" has got to be the most accurate description of his expression yet
Virtual_BS 13
OP should record it through the crack in the door and post it on Facebook.
rosenkrieger223 24
42, I completely agree and I couldn't have put it any better, myself.
IStoleTheCookies 16
Still a better love story than Twilight xD
Eliseopwns 22
Isn't it his "mysteriousness" or whatever?
slkester 12
You didn't. It's all age lol
CallMeWindSock 24
Just hope her dad isn't on team Jacob.
ZeroPath5 16
Yeesh, hope she grows up soon then...
coversquirrel 8
You went wrong as soon as you bought that cut out.
fymother 13
How did she buy a cardboard cutout of him? You at least allowed it in the house...
olpally 33
I have no idea where you went wrong. But I know she went right into Edward Cullen's arms for comfort... :/
LappDance 16
Obviously
olpally 33
Well, I lost this comment. *walks out with what dignity I have left*
ZeroPath5 16
Keep practicing and eventually you'll come up with a few winners olpally, lol
olpally 33
haha. It's alright. I'll be fine :D on to the next one. Oh well.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Maybe an Edward Cullen cut out might help you get over this ;-)
olpally 33
**** NO 49!!! Lmao. Drinking would help me now! Haha.
SlapAndTickle 20
*Watches in horror as Pally runs to his Jacob cut-out. *
olpally 33
Slapandtickle^^^ NO!! Lol. Good grief!
rosenkrieger223 24
It took him 4 tries, but olpally finally got a comment with some thumbs up! lmao
SlapAndTickle 20
Ok ok I believe you... Not. ;)
Nolimit2217 32
She will grow up eventually.. I hope!
Queensland 27
When she does she might cry ... 'But Edward Cullen is immortal' THAT'S when you should worry OP.
luhar 7
I'm telling you, twilight is next to Justin beiber on the immense fail list. I feel for you op hopefully this is just a phase?
Miss_Attitude96 24
Is One Direction on this list too? I sure hope so
luhar 7
Of course... If anything it's higher up. One direction os just bieber x5
Link5794 18
You know what's worse than any of those things? Their fans.
Wizardo 34
You went wrong by letting her watch Twilight in the first place...
highclasssnegro 9
Your profile pic is gold.
timelessone 16
I thought it was when he let that cut out make it through the front door.
rosenkrieger223 24
The hatred of twilight in my house is so intense, things like that (especially flammable cardboard) would spontaneously combust if it got anywhere near my doorway. haha
angelitared 27
Parents aren't cool to talk too!! Duh.
MzZombicidal 36
It's also not very cool to cry into a cardboard cut-out...
SlapAndTickle 20
Fairly certain she was being sarcastic.
euphoricness 28
You didn't happen to tell her you're on team Jacob, did you?
Likian5 26
Teenagers...nothing you can do about it.
Queensland 27
Burning the cut out is something she can do about it
happyhead123 16
You went wrong when you got her a full sized Edward Cullen cutout.