Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML
Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML
Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML
Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML
Today, my mother arranged for me to meet the man she is planning to marry. Turns out, my future stepfather is also my creepy old boss, who spent 4 months hitting on me before I quit a year ago. FML
Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML
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Top comments
Monkeysmommy1 0
Dirty... Step daddy likes to keep it in the family.
m1k30d 6
You should make some kind of epic objection at the wedding.
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Comments (144)
Monkeysmommy1 0
Dirty... Step daddy likes to keep it in the family.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Says the lady who is kissing by force a rather unhappy kid..
gaganinia 14
scarryyyy!!!! D:
Monkeysmommy1 0
Pretty sure that's a bit different from twice her age (at least) step daddy trying to ride the mother daughter train.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
130- that's the joke 2 was making >< !!! :P
ibanqnerdzz 5
Pervert . ! Runnnnnnn
Fruit_Dealer 9
You can run but you can't hide..
yadisingh 5
I'm just wondering why you put a space between the '.' and the '!'. Or even why you put a space before the period? Or why you used a period and an exclamation mark.
every1luvsboners 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Caring is sharing. Don't let your mom intimidate you, keep your eye on the prize and go for it.
sailorzoe 14
Bahahaha
davidisbeast 12
Isn't It sharing is caring ? Not the other way around.
every1luvsboners 11
I had it that way originally, but changed it. It makes sense both ways. It's like a double sided ***** during a game of tug-o-war.
frankboy 0
Lmfao i love you
LegalyWhite 7
Thats just messed up
GoodLookingGeese 10
Sounds like your going to have a funny life since he moves in. Reminds me of a cartoon "Tom&Jerry".
EpicSquishii 21
Tom and Jerry....? Is that a reference to the cat-and-mouse game that this old pervert is purportedly planning to play (that's fun to say aloud) wirh his future step-daughter?
EpicSquishii 21
While "wirh" is also fun to say aloud, it was a definite fail on my part... ***with
murdersquirrel 15
Alliteration is fun.
GoodLookingGeese 10
The difference is that, when he will catch her the ending might get a bit different [kinky] then in the cartoon. ;) [wink] ;) [wink] - if you know what He (future stepdad) mean..
EpicSquishii 21
Aaaaaaand this is when you laughingly bring it to moms attention. Id rather make sure she knew without looking like a drama monger.
m1k30d 6
You should make some kind of epic objection at the wedding.
sweetjazzyjazz 2
Haha(:
emjayprice 0
RUN!!!
perdix 31
He's not going to have to go very far to get around, then, is he? ;)
FreshlyCut 0
Interesting,.......Very interesting.