Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML
Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML
Today, I went to the movies and accidentally walked into the wrong theater. I sat through an entire horror film, thinking it was supposed to be a rom-com. I kept waiting for the romantic twist. It never came. Satanic haunted dolls or whatever they were did, though. FML
Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML
Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML
Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML
Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML
Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
nuked 0
Maybe get him kicked out? Idiot...
WickedAwsum 0
Well #1, we don't like you. You could have gotten a person who worked there to get him removed or something, or move seats?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (255)
tempaccount 0
just ******* change seats, or ask to change theaters.
Sammara 0
Um...what he was doing was illegal. You go, get a manager, and have him removed. Your fault for not doing so.
svenson_26 0
There's no way this is real
Noxious88 0
How did he even get in? How did he not get kicked out? Funny anyhow. =]
randomsloth 0
ummm i wish i would have had that hobo at my movie theater when i saw this movie that sounds wayyyyy better then watchin the movie..hahahah god i would have pist my pants with laughter but hoped he didn't **** in my hair
poison29 0
why didn't you move or tell security? there's an easy fix to all of this
sciencenerd 0
So uh, why didn't you move seats again?
koda_fml 0
yea.. right. hobo got 10 bucks to just watch a movie instead of eating. they are still people who have common sense, just not money. no one would jackoff in a movie theater and if he sat behind you, how did you see him jacking off. i'm pretty sure you'd have to lean over the back of your own chair too look down at his legs
milkradio 0
Dude, move or talk to the manager! Why did you sit there the whole time if you knew what he was doing? Jesus, that is disgusting.
cutiepi 0
one of the worst people at the theatre are the people who complain about someone AFTER the movie is over seriously.