Today, I’m allergic to all forms of hormonal birth control, and due to the virus outbreak, I can’t get my implant replaced. We’re in quarantine, and my boyfriend and I just used our last condom. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML
Today, after I got the birth control implant, waited a week like my doctor told me, my fiancé is still too scared that I'll get pregnant. It's been two months. FML
Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML
Today, my doctor's office called to reschedule. I hate sacrificing work time at all, but I have to have my contraceptive. The appointment had been set back once already due to insurance issues, and having to wait until November means I'm going to run out… so now I sound like a drug addict. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé, with whom I've been with for 10 years, doesn't want to have sex with me because he thinks I'm going to trap him into having a baby. He sees me take my contraceptive pill nightly and knows I was booked in for having a coil fitted before Covid-19 happened. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in months because we live in different countries, is coming to stay with me. I've been the picture of health for months, but today I woke up with my period, a terrible cold, and tooth pain from that root canal my dentist told me I didn't need a few years ago. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML
Today, I was rushed to the emergency room for severe facial rashes. My boyfriend and I then found out I'm allergic to seminal fluid. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract herpes. I don't even know how I got it. FML
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Top comments
Great_Grizz 7
You can get condoms anywhere. Grocery stores are still open. Gas stations are still open. This is the dumbest FML I’ve seen in a while
Michael Sawyer 11
Two words.... GAS STATIONS. They do sell condoms at them.
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Comments (22)
Sady_Ct 38
Can’t you try oral sex? Plenty of ways to get off without penetration. I can’t use condoms or hormonal control either, I have to use an IUD.
katydid91 31
All BC pills are hormone based. The patch is too.
Sady_Ct 38
Yes, I am aware of this, I can’t use them either... I was referring to oral sex... as I said ‘plenty of ways to get off without penetration’
katydid91 31
Oops my bad. I misread the comment.
RichardPencil 32
One word: Anal
TCRII 30
Maybe her boyfriend doesn’t want her sticking stuff up his butt...
RichardPencil 32
Haha! Good one! Then maybe he should have double-checked her birth control. I know it's her responsibility, but if he wants to plow the field, he needs to know it's not fertile.
jbuckets_404 39
Richard, are you offering to be the "catcher" (w/ or w/o the whiskey rye) ;-) [/s]
RichardPencil 32
No, I wouldn't want to be a pitcher, either. In that game, I don't want to be on the team or even in the stadium.
GalaxyGirl1123_fml 14
There's masculine birth control now, it's both of their responsibilities ;)
Michael Sawyer 11
Two words.... GAS STATIONS. They do sell condoms at them.
newwitch2010 11
Weeks? Try months...
JackWood 21
People are dying and all you can think about is ******* like minks?
1known 34
It is a good thing dying people don’t stop us to have sex, because everyday more people die for any reasons than people die because of the covid-19.
Dale Gulley 8
I am thinking of a number between 68 and 70...
jbuckets_404 39
68.5???
rhett 5
Eh, we will need people to repopulate after the virus. You two kids have fun...
Nhayaa 21
Nope, actually we don't. Could be nice not to "reproduce" the same mistakes over and over again. Humankind can still work pretty well with less people.
Great_Grizz 7
You can get condoms anywhere. Grocery stores are still open. Gas stations are still open. This is the dumbest FML I’ve seen in a while
Inkoseh 33
Yeah no shit it's dumb. How is OP buying food? Quarantine means not doing things you don't need to. You can still go to the grocery store and buy food/ANYTHING.
Anthony Robert 3
The implant is hormonal?
Jillian51894 12
The Mirena is, but I'm pretty sure there's another IUD that isn't hormonal
Candence Louise Smith 3
implants and iud are different. when someone says implant its should generally mean a hormonal birth control implanted in the arm. people dont call iuds implants.
Nhayaa 21
Then it's not an implant, it's a copper IUD. Not the same thing. I hope she knows the difference or she's gonna have a big surprise.
Isamermaid 17
Yeah, the implant is hormonal, unless you don’t know what kind of birth control you have. Also, it’s technically good for 4 years, so.
kenken5 16
There are implants that aren’t hormonal. Like a copper IUD.