Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML
Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML
Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Today, at the local mini-mart, I saw an old friend from high school and decided to surprise her with a hug from behind. Turns out, it wasn't her. It was a complete stranger who screamed, then whacked me with her purse. Now I’m banned from the shop. FML
Today, I got kicked out of my favorite pub. I yelled at the group behind me for being annoying. They were extremely irritating, singing songs and cheering, but the manager decided to kick me out instead. FML
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Top comments
kerrywoodwins20 2
Ask her on a date for compensation.
SauceySarah 30
They better give you a free drink!
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Comments (106)
Ribit 9
Is this the only bar in the neighborhood? Time to go elsewhere!
justanotherbird 19
Barmaid? What is this, the 1800s? I haven't heard that outdated term...ever. I wonder if they meant cocktail server or bartender? Maybe it's an Australian thing?
Ins0mau 20
It's an Australian thing. Female bartender. (An Australian)
kate3101 15
Aussie and British. Although the ads are always looking for "bar staff", the female bartenders are always "barmaids".
balletteacher 11
Try finding a microbrewery instead. Much friendlier places...or at least they are in Texas. :P
KiddNYC1O 22
****** up. Don't bless them with your gratuity anymore!
KiddNYC1O 22
Or you can demand a month or so of pitchers on the house.
Brutalitus 2
You preferred that the barmaid did not come out and tell you that so you stay banned for life ?
mack_the_knife 3
Well, it's bound to happen once avery twelve years.
Meme1988 18
Thats just weird,dont let it go,make sure someone gets fired from his/her job!
AGhettoTroll 1
Sue the shit out of them
jjmiller1001 17
i hope you contacted you lawyer
sillyyanks 24
That's awful! As if they would punch someone rather than just ban them! Sorry OP