Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML
Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML
Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Today, at the local mini-mart, I saw an old friend from high school and decided to surprise her with a hug from behind. Turns out, it wasn't her. It was a complete stranger who screamed, then whacked me with her purse. Now I’m banned from the shop. FML
Today, I got kicked out of my favorite pub. I yelled at the group behind me for being annoying. They were extremely irritating, singing songs and cheering, but the manager decided to kick me out instead. FML
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Top comments
kerrywoodwins20 2
Ask her on a date for compensation.
SauceySarah 30
They better give you a free drink!
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Comments (106)
kerrywoodwins20 2
Ask her on a date for compensation.
HowAreYouToday 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
*Him.
wolfhausen 7
Nothing to see here.. Edit: 5 changed her comment..
HowAreYouToday 34
So did no.1 His original comment said: "The cardinals suck!"
WritingWrongs 8
-5, your username fits... Honestly, how are you today? you don't have a concussion or anything, do you?
wolfhausen 7
Way to throw 1 under the bus!
gracehi 33
12 is right. It did originally say, "The cardinals suck." I know because I was a little miffed that he beat me to #1 and his comment didn't have anything to do with the FML.
HowAreYouToday 34
No concussion XD I was sifting through the FMLs and I thought that this was a different one... My sincere apologies to the FML community.
kerrywoodwins20 2
Lol yeah it did. It was a joke. I hate the cardinals.
DrainedOfSanity 4
So many Q.Q
dabeast15 7
More like let me bang you
tjv3 10
That should get you free drinks for a while
gracehi 33
Evil twin?
tomhofer 14
ha-HA (emphasis on second ha)
LO388 7
Yeah, his brother Frank. Frank Gallagher.
BulldogHoops 14
Is anyone else thinking of Guy N. Cognito?
syley 5
So at least you aren't banned for life?
Nightwing98 22
Something tells me OP won't be going there anymore even if he isn't banned for life.
SauceySarah 30
They better give you a free drink!
twinny_sc 13
Free drinks all night!
guitarbeast 22
*for life
greeneyebeauty9 28
*til the day you die.
awkward_gothlady 32
A free drink? I was thinking more like a free bottle of something nice! Not the cheap shit, the top shelf stuff.
ICastillo 25
Um #52 that's what " for life" means.
pawzluver 7
*for eternity :)
Prodigy7 4
*May they douse OPs grave in alchohol.
crystalxa 35
I would have asked for free drinks for a year! That was pretty rude of them! Maybe the barmaid should get her eyes checked!
kdog333 1
maybe its time for a new bar...
wolfhausen 7
I predict many "sue them!" comments.
gracehi 33
Well in this case, it's probably legit... A call to the police may even be in order.
wolfhausen 7
I was thinking the same thing after I posted, just due to the physical assault. Still many are too eager to sue.
doctorhook86 25
25: The OP was physically assaulted for no reason. That's a crime, and the OP is probably entitled to damages. "Sue him!" isn't always the right answer, but anybody who says that it's never the right answer is missing the point. The OP deserves compensation.
wolfhausen 7
I completely agree dr hook! (and the medicine machine)
doctorhook86 25
38: *Medicine Show ;)
wolfhausen 7
Aw crap I think man in the machine was in my head.
ManInTheMachine 20
How sweet. ;) Just don't take it any further than that, mmmkay?
LiterOfCola 16
I don't think I would ever sue a business or person for a misunderstanding like this. Sure you could win the case, but unless you're greedy or seriously injured which I doubt in this case, why would you feel entitled to compensation?
fylx100 19
80- Because although it was a misunderstanding, a punch to the nose ******* hurts.
gc327072 31
Your evil twin strikes again!
gc327072 31
Aaaaaand 2 beat me to it. Damn....
gc327072 31
Actually, yes, because I like to put something original and not some lame, overused thing like "wow that sucks", so often I get beaten to the punch during my pondering.
gc327072 31
Nice try, PB, but troll denied!
loserman67 36
I see many, many free drinks in your future!
damn_homie 2
Damn! Sorry OP. you better get free drinks for a month
neurodoc 1
You go to a bar everyday?!
TheYoshiMan 12
Yeah, a lot of people do.
star111 6
Never did he mention going everyday, just after he gets off work. He might only work a few days a week.
FistToBalls 3
I like that's what you got out of this.