Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML
Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML
Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I've never heard testicles called "ladies" before, but yup, you definitely harassed them.
MrClean17 15
Every man can relate to the pain of sitting on one's own balls
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Comments (79)
MrClean17 15
Every man can relate to the pain of sitting on one's own balls
perdix 31
No, not me. Me and my balls have been through a lot together, but I've never sat on them. They did get pretty mad at me for going horseback riding in gym shorts.
connormadden 5
22- I was a horseback rider for most of my life. Some bad experiences there. Mostly from jumping
RoperGirl203 9
Lol that sucks. Even as girls jumping (and bareback) can be quite painful. >_
perdix 31
#22, to be clear, I hadn't planned on going horseback riding in gym shorts, the opportunity to ride just popped up all of a sudden. It was a sperm of the moment decision.
Meettitan 14
"Through no fault of my own..." - someone else sat on your balls for you?
onlychildFTW 34
My balls don't sag that much that I've ever sat on them. So far I can't relate and I'd love for it to stay that way. It'd probably be horribly painful.
xcountrygirlx 8
@30, especially when the horse has high withers. that's the worst!
mfischer 17
*sigh* Well I certainly feel your pain, bro.
winkydog4056 16
#63_I'm soooo happy to see your comment! I immediately thought of you when I read this FML. Is this poster your twin brother or related to you?
winkydog4056 16
#1_What if a woman sat on your balls?
8313girl 28
I think OP is an older man hitting on young girls. I've never heard of any young guy sitting on his balls but my dad has told me he's done it a few times.
Welshite 40
I've never heard testicles called "ladies" before, but yup, you definitely harassed them.
pattheaninal 9
What a ball-sy move.
Glitterhinoceros 14
You must be quite the ladies man..
Llama_Face89 34
I'm sorry for creeping but WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST SIDNEY CROSBY?!
Lucky1990 1
You've got the weirdest profile descriptiom I've ever seen.
sens3sfailing 25
I think 3's profile is quite entertaining! Strange in the best possible way lol
skittles_fairy07 4
3 sounds like the type of person I'd be best friends with. :3
garrett8614 2
3- lol your description is amazing. Will you marry me?
winkydog4056 16
#37_Da fuq does hockey do here?
TopBanana20 11
Umm I am scared for Crosby's life. FHL!
looloothing 9
Your poor boys.
Idiotsspoutcrap 6
Maybe you should ice your ladies and take a breck from clubbing
FML_Whale 18
What exactly is a breck?
Charger_SRT8 0
Yes but since nobody cares about England, we can safely say it was a typo.
sens3sfailing 25
It's how you type break with a Scottish accent...
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Breck = brain wreck... Like when you use the word breck.
verkaderk 9
There is no greater pain than sitting on ones testicles.
bestnameright 14
You could get castrated... Just sayin'.
bestnameright 14
My comment got posted twice for done reason, I apologize!
simoncat 11
Nope. Sorry. Totally your own fault.
Rosie_Posie43 12
What is he gonna do? Shift his balls away from the stool?
cnator 12
Well they were between him and the seat, so shifting them away sounds like a smart thing to do.
FizzyApple 3
How does sitting on your own balls count as harassing ladies?
obnum 19
That's what I'm trying to figure out. Maybe he just started swearing a lot? It's weird.
DarkHelmet 10
Holy Shit we typed the same thing at the same time LOL
FizzyApple 3
It's probably the first thought that comes to mind with most people!
Branflakes78 13
or screech like a girl!
DarkHelmet 10
How does sitting on your balls translate into harassing women??
Vintage_Cola 29
Maybe the "ladies" in question aren't the ones he was after...
Idiotsspoutcrap 6
*break* sorry
BulldogHoops 14
Your username goes awkwardly well with your comment.