Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML
Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML
Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Today, at the local mini-mart, I saw an old friend from high school and decided to surprise her with a hug from behind. Turns out, it wasn't her. It was a complete stranger who screamed, then whacked me with her purse. Now I’m banned from the shop. FML
Today, I got kicked out of my favorite pub. I yelled at the group behind me for being annoying. They were extremely irritating, singing songs and cheering, but the manager decided to kick me out instead. FML
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Top comments
kerrywoodwins20 2
Ask her on a date for compensation.
SauceySarah 30
They better give you a free drink!
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Comments (106)
mykelinva 4
Well, when you sue their sorry asses and take the bar from them, maybe then they'll remember your face.
Awsumuzzie 12
Why over sue? Seriously, I'm sure there's a limit that if you pass, then you become a douche. Which would be taking away a bar...
bethrocksya 9
Did you not read this FML properly? He SHOULD sue! He was assaulted, banned and unrightfully thrown out of a place of business he contributed to EVERYDAY! Sue! And then find yourself a bar that is going to REMEMBER your face! Good luck OP!
CheshireHalli 19
While he should sue, it is overkill to sue so hard that he would own the bar.
Awsumuzzie 12
I don't think I'm the one who needs to reread something here... I'm stating that he has the right to sue and that there is no need to push it beyond actual damage.
Enslaved 38
What's with everyone getting punched lately?
gregkingsley 4
What kind of ruff neck bar u going to bro? Even the people from cheers knew everyone's name and they weren't even around 12 years.
NickaPLZ 26
Time to go find the real guy, and transfer your nose pain from you to him.
perdix 31
Well, Cliff, they've had just about enough of your boring fun facts.
olpally 33
How unfortunate... File a police complaint? Get them fired... 12 years, they should know you by now... Idiots.
Old_Iron_Sides 6
Did you at least get some free drinks out of the deal?
wickedbitch505 1
Barmaid? Really?
wickedbitch505 1
And if you have gone there every day after work for so long a bartender would know who you are. You must have done something stupid to have that happen..
mikeymayhem_87 15
Makes me wonder what the other guy did that deserves a broken nose and banishment from the bar. Also makes me wonder how they confused you with him. Sorry OP!