Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend outside a bar, when a hand on my shoulder yanked me back. I screamed and turned to see my husband glaring at me, with his best friend behind him, recording us on his phone. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, I had to warn the decorator we hired to stop being inappropriate with my wife or I’d fire his ass. Turns out not only is he gay, like super gay with his husband on Facebook, he’s also my wife’s old college buddy. He started crying on our sofa and my wife hit me with her handbag. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
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Top comments
Ligerie 0
Is wife code for "penis"?
Plumppotato 3
did you tell him that?
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Comments (242)
Plumppotato 3
did you tell him that?
Lehk 9
that would be a bad idea, considering that the kind of psycho who would do that is the same kind of psycho who would beat someone up for being gay.
KASHMIR_fml 0
U deserve it for being a fag
brianjman14 23
wow ur cool, kash
tmptmptmp 0
Don't feed the trolls. THE SONG 1985 IS NOW PLAYING IN YOUR HEAD!
CrackhouseDoug 0
Fake. Homosexuals don't hang out in the same bar as straight people.
kk611 0
um, yes they do? (I am gay)
Revan46 0
Your silly in thinking gay men don't hang at straight bars. It's called going with their straight friends? Ha...loser -_-
fmlalldayxxx 0
wow what are you some kind of extreme christan way to. be a fag kash
tylahgrace 12
hey Kashmir, your a doushe. go die in a hole, I hate people who judge others on their sexuality or race. it's so one-minded
funkymunky27 0
F**** GAY PEOPLE
2gether4ever 0
that's bad. whenever someone grabs your throat just beat the shit outta them.
morganrules123 10
damn you 65! jk.
pwaves13 0
yes yes it is thanks op
jdeshnerx3 0
everyone has one mind goober I think you mean closed minded lol
omgmike2345 0
like a gay guy could beat up a straight guy, come on.
Googolman 29
Maybe his wife was that woman from 1985.
sulaymaniyahovar 5
I would beat him up for being gay
Ligerie 0
Is wife code for "penis"?
SexyMami15 0
Haha
kike123 0
who knows? haha
fonzie1808 0
ha!!!
Silent_Harmony 3
Gotta love the drunks...
ASISMason759 0
ALLLL the time
superstephen4 5
Wow. FYL.
brrrx 0
I wish this was mylifeisaverage.com so that I could vote "meh." Because that's pretty much all this story deserves...you didn't deserve it, and your life isn't ******.
rotf_coaster_9 0
I love you
StealthStorm67 0
tee hee :) You gotta text them that silly goose!
alijacket 0
OMFG just stop. None of that shit on this site.
MiseryAlice 0
Its not like he killed you or anything, you seem to be fine and thats not an FML. Just funny.
Pandasaur 0
Isn't FML for the funny, mildly ****** up things that happen to you? Yeah, OP's fine, but it's a little ****** up that he got assaulted by some random person.
billybobjoebob 0
yes, if he got killed, that would be an fml...
bd1614 0
but if he got killed there would be no fml in the first place
22jrdn55 15
this isnt a FML!!!
kittenmeow 0
u must have been scared...i would have shit my pants!! either that or been really angry....
rae_o_sunshine 0
i disagree with all the people saying that this isnt an fml, simply for the fact that this guy now has a crazed husband threatening to kill him. Even if he isnt the guy messin with said crazed husband's wife, that guy thinks he is and if he thinks that it happened again he could go after the wrong guy SOooOoo FYL.
22jrdn55 15
k how often do u meet the same person twice in a restuarant, bar, wutever
scdog 0
Pretty much almost every time for me. And I live in a big city.
screwtaylor 0
You go into a drunk bar and you don't except to be approached by a drunk dude like that? Idiot.. You're being just like Chris Crocker. You gay people over exaggerate too much.
kyle_kbo20 0
omg shut up ur ruinung my life you ass *runs off crying*
sublime93 0
Lmfao #17. Screwtaylor, shut the **** up with your stereotyping, and quit trying to start arguments. You really need attention that bad?
n_london 0
what's a drunk bar? a bar where people get drunk? OH- right, that's what a bar IS. dumbass. and way to be an asshole- you actually think every person who ever goes to any bar, anywhere, should be prepared to be physically harassed and receive death threats? and that they deserve it for wanting to go out and get a drink? ****, you're an idiot. people will make the dumbest shit up just to justify saying "YDI".
Jazzywrites007 2
I KNOOOW!!! Taylor is just this ****** Noob who keeps saying the meanest shit.
DanizzleXFoSho 6
Screw Taylor. Do us all a favor and SHUT THE **** UP. Everytime I see you commenting something, it's always ignorant and unnecessary. You need to get a life. **** you. And go suck a dick, bitch.
ohmandapants 17
Uhhh number one this is NOTHING like Chris Crocker. He's not over-exaggerating. number two Chris Crocker doesn't over exaggerate because he's gay, he's just special like that. number three a drunk bar? LMFAO. yes because in the other ones, everybodies completely sober. You know, not everyone is an angry drunk. So no, he shouldn't have expected it and if i were him i would've freaked out. I'd like to see your ugly ass get attacked outside a bar. See how you'd react.
plexico 4
How ******* dare anyone out there make fun of Chris Crocker after all he has been through.! HE’S A HUMAN! (ah! ooh!) What you don’t realize is that Chris Crocker is making you all this money and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him. LEAVE HIM ALONE! You are lucky he even performed for you BASTARDS! LEAVE Chris Crocker ALONE!…..Please. Leave Chris Crocker Alone Please…. ! Leave Chris Crocker alone!…right now!….I mean it.! Anyone that has a problem with him you deal with me, because he is not well right now. LEAVE HIM ALONE!
z712 0
Dear screwtaylor, The comments you post on this site are unbelievably idiotic and unncecessary. You seem to have the intelligence of a neanderthal. Please jump off the roof of the nearest high rise building and remove yourself from the gene pool.
Jazzywrites007 2
organisedchaos, you used to be my favorite ****, But now I love Screwtaylor and Plexico. They are my new threesome buddies so go bake us some Post Sex Pie. ;-)
Revan46 0
No wonder your comment was buried. Most gays aren't as big of an idiot as Chris Crocker. Most of the gay community hate both him and Perez Hilton. Such bad images of gay men. Maybe watch How I met Your Mother, NPH is in it and he's a good show of what a good gay man is.
Your_Point 0
chris crocker fans: always fun to watch...until they curl them selfs in a corner crying and then die
ohmandapants 17
@plexico: LOL. How amusing :)
ohmandapants 17
No thats fun too...
sven25 0
You're totally right!!!!! You know us gays. Always over exagerating. I mean really - when my manhunt profile says my **** is 8 inches it really only means 7......
tylahgrace 12
@z712 epic win :D