Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML
Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML
Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Pretended not to know what it was? "What is this? I'm going to have to show this foreign object to the sniffer dogs, it could contain drugs." That could have been even more embarrassing.
streetriots 9
My girlfriend is flying out of town tomorrow. Must do this.
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Comments (147)
Leasha3 14
Hate to say it but that really is hilarious haha
AngrySailor 17
Gotta make sure your girl is taken care of while you're apart! Good move BF, good move.
JenkJenks 6
But if she is wearing the handcuffs, then who is "taking care" of her with the *****?
challan 19
69- perhaps the fireman that comes to unlock her? *note to self- file this fantasy for later.
LebanonBaby 26
Hahahahahhaha !
challan 19
That's my kind of air marshall. Arrest me officer!
Narcisse_fml 25
Haven't you been warned never to leave your bags unattended when flying?
ethanman82 8
now thats funny!
olpally 33
That's hilarious!!! Lol. Sounds like your bf is Quagmire! Giggity :D
Fas4wd 13
Lol. I feel for you but that was a good one. I may try it.
Enslaved 38
That's pretty darn funny! Did he want you to join a new type of Mile High Club without him? :P Wondering if TSA would allow somebody to keep such items? Sounds like a huge ***** could be-- in the weapons' department. :O
ironichalibut 24
If the ***** didn't raise a red flag, then the fuzzy handcuffs would.
BlackRogue 8
... I just pictured a lady losing her shit on an airplane, knocking out the flight attendants and threatening the pilots with a giant sex toy LOL
mokielove 10
I get the *****, make sure you don't do anything your not supposed to. but the hand cuffs. I'm not sure bout that.
klorehore 24
Surprise him right back with those items in the middle of the night once you're back :D
askullnamedbilly 33
'Surprise' him with a ***** and cuffs in the dark? That actually sounds pretty terrifying.
toughchick14 15
I can tell your boyfriend is super mature (sarcasm). Sorry OP.
bamagrl410 31
I'd be pissed if my boyfriend did that to me. Not only is it embarrassing, but the last thing anyone needs is a reason for the TSA to be in their business - even if it's only something of this nature. And before anyone starts, yes I know this FML is not in the US and therefore they don't have the TSA. Which is why I said if it happened to ME.
Enslaved 38
32, I understand this type of prank/joke isn't for everyone. (I feel that way about couples that smash wedding cake in each others' faces. Unfunny and it better not happen to me!) But to each their own. I gathered this was just the goofy type of relationship the OP probably has with her BF.(:
suckmyclock 11
wow. I really can't tell you were being sarcastic. thanks for the reminder!
Reaper1984 13
36, I must agree these jokes are not for everyone. There are many couples out there that enjoy playing pranks on each other. As a matter of fact, I know a couple who plays extreme jokes on each other, and they get pretty crazy with it sometimes