Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML
Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML
Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Pretended not to know what it was? "What is this? I'm going to have to show this foreign object to the sniffer dogs, it could contain drugs." That could have been even more embarrassing.
streetriots 9
My girlfriend is flying out of town tomorrow. Must do this.
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Comments (147)
ni0ve 9
I always check by bags before I leave home to airport to school avoid having to throw anything away
Burton_Forever 23
Just wink at the air port security an own up to it don't get embarrassed!
felixshen 18
Hmmm I didn't know handcuffs were allowed in carry-on.
OlgaCornmuffin 7
wish those had been the guards who found my first pair of thing panties I was smuggling in my luggage! I had to hide it from my ultra-conservative mother & the guards found the blue satin thing with yellow stars....& held it up in the air. I was 16. now THAT'S an FML. Haha. your dude sounds hilarious.
caysters 12
That's very unprofessional and they are not suppose to do that. My ex could have gotten fired if he found anything like that and held it up. He found a huge ***** with suction cup on one end and had to keep going like nothing happened. They aren't suppose to flash things like that around.
meintx 9
Your BF is awesome. I love a guy with that kind of a wild sense of humor. I hope he was able to see it happen. It kind of makes you wonder just how much stuff like that they see.
Twinn4ever 13
Haha he wanted you to have fun on your trip!(;
DanielT1994 19
Your boyfriend's a real dick, OP.
DisCreation 14
I love his sense of humor
Obey_StudBoii 23
Lol he's a winner.
bikramkohli 11
An early April Fool's day gift, perhaps?