Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Suspicious
Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Nice!
Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML
Mom Jokes FTW
Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML
Mind your own business
Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML
Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Pretended not to know what it was? "What is this? I'm going to have to show this foreign object to the sniffer dogs, it could contain drugs." That could have been even more embarrassing.
streetriots 9
My girlfriend is flying out of town tomorrow. Must do this.
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Comments (147)
gaganinia 14
akward :o
TourettesGuyFTW 26
awkward...but hilarious. Stick with him, he has much funnyness.
meihua 19
Awkward, but lets just put some poor logic into play...
benives21 4
Now you have to figure out how to get him back!
lmngrl889 14
LOL!!! sorry but this is funny. fyl though!
skeptic54 8
Get him back, use them both when you get back
FML_14u2c 14
Not as "akward" as spelling awkward wrong. :-)
RAGE5119 9
That's a waste of a first answer!
AKGirlinSD 20
^ Sadly, that happens a lot on FML. Get used to it. My boyfriend plays jokes/pranks on me all the time and I love it. Plus, I get to pull a prank on him. Laughter is the best medicine!
kittykat1501 31
Haha win
Eells92 7
That would be so embarrassing but kind of funny
IAmJad 18
That's an understatement. Those security guards must have been very professional not to even giggle a little.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
In this scenario yes, But one of my friend's friend put a note saying 'death to America' in his baggage just for lulz while he was traveling from Pakistan to US... The lulz died the moment my friend had to be detained for hours of questioning. As for me... I wanted to bash the guys head for even thinking of something as stupid as this and try to call it a 'joke'
wvcheesehead1 9
It could have been a knife instead of a big rubber Dick. Consider it a win.
AKGirlinSD 20
58, I'm still in shock after reading your post. That isn't funny at all. My friend drew penis' all over my windows as a joke. She forgot I live in a condo association and when I saw my vehicle, in the morning, I had neighbors writing down my license plate. I received a ton of complaints. I made her wash my vehicle and she felt like shit for not thinking about the rules, while living in a COA. If someone is going to pull a break, it has to be thought thru, thoroughly! I would have laughed it off if I didn't live in such a restricted area.
martinez121797 15
Boyfriend of the year!!
cyanidesandwich 21
If OP's boyfriend did this now, then what he does on April Fools Day will probably make him boyfriend of the decade!
AKGirlinSD 20
Or century. If it is an awesome one, I hope it is recorded and posted on YouTube.
jtackle 2
Lol haha. I love it.
Pleonasm 36
Pretended not to know what it was? "What is this? I'm going to have to show this foreign object to the sniffer dogs, it could contain drugs." That could have been even more embarrassing.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
"This aubergine is a little thin, isn't it?!"
iammeorami 25
I just had a pleogasm!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Well be sure to clean up after yourself.
Pleonasm 36
Cos I sure as hell ain't doing it for you. I still have those pink-furry handcuffs attached.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Hmm, that explains where the handcuffs went. So where's the...other thing?
tennis06 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ur an idiot..that wasn't even funny
Pleonasm 36
Neither is your spelling or punctuation, but I'm sure we can have a good laugh about it anyway.
Welshite 40
*sigh* I suppose I shall emerge from the shadows for this one. tennis06: First off, there are three different commenters above you. If you wish to reply to an individual, I suggest you specify. If you don't like a comment, you can either thumb down said comment or post a RELEVANT reply. Saying "ur an idiot..that wasn't even funny," is neither witty nor intelligent. The lack of proper grammar and punctuation is appalling, to say the least. I could bring up your profile description as well, but that seems redundant.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
He's 16...poor thing.
Bakarra 22
16s a hard age #44, so much teen angst to be had
Axipiter 24
Am I the only one on the edge of my seat praying 37 responds to these allegations? Hopefully he can come up with some more creative wisdom to bestow upon us! I can't wait!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I'll respond to us all on his behalf: "fuq u all, ur so gay, so is ur mama"
Pleonasm 36
"You morans are retarted"
TrueTriage 16
Ahh a good old FML mauling. I think 37 has learned the lesson and will use proper English on FML from now on. Oh and be happy this wasn't 4chan or else you would be 10 times deeper in trolls, grammar nazis, and the classic douche.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
"shut up #83 ur just a asswhole. No1 fynds u funny. git lost."...**sorry, I've snapped out of it now**.
TheRandomIndian 17
"Shut up 83 I taught ur mom a lesson last nite and went 10 tyms deeper in her"
TheRandomIndian 17
But sadly I'm also 16
HannahLouise96 13
I'm 16 and would like to apologise on behalf of most teenagers. We're not ALL vapid and borderline illiterate morons, honest.
mattlw 25
This entire comment chain is funnier than any FML I have ever read. Thank you all for making my sunday morning.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
You're welcome. Nice beard.
HannahLouise96 13
^ I second that. What a glorious beard you have, 123.
bomzo 22
Well done sir!
Rababco 29
@49 Don't forget stupidity and poor judgement, it's because the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for judgement, emotion control etc. isn't completely developed yet. In fact, it isn't fully developed until about 25. This is probably why the majority of people who do really stupid and/or risky stuff are teens and young adults.
zed34 18
Revenge would be a must!
ironichalibut 24
I think hiding the same items in his bag would be a fitting revenge.
TorisaurusRexxx 10
Throw in a nice gay porno with the previously stated items. That'd get him back even better. Coming out on top is much better than getting even. :)
mattlw 25
# 61 I once worked with a guy who was incredibly homophobic. So we brought in a male underwear modeling catalog, and cut out 100's of the male models and dumped the whole pile in his lunch box without him knowing. When the guard asked him to check his lunch box, which happens every day, they both noticed the half naked guys at the same time. The guard smiled and said, "we don't discriminate against sexual preference here, but we do ask that you leave any pornographic material in your vehicle." That was a good day!
ShananaginsLOL 13
Hahaha I wonder what was going through the guards minds. ;)
zandalee 20
I'd say, probably what they would like to do with said handcuffs and big *****. ;)
Zebediabolical 45
I'm pretty sure they see things like this all the time.
zandalee 20
...never a dull day.
streetriots 9
My girlfriend is flying out of town tomorrow. Must do this.
friedchickenpie 14
Tell us how that turns out.
Sandman366 6
Probably with 7 getting a similar situation the first time she can arrange.
Sandman366 6
(Stupid mobile needs edit.) I mean 7's girlfriend doing it to 7, not the obvious 7 doing it to his girlfriend.
Ninjin1986 23
This actually made me laugh. Your boyfriend sounds awesome :D
HaleyXx_fml 11
Is that your going away present?
ohhitsher 5
Lol.