Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML
Today, I was traveling. At airport security, the woman patting me down felt something "down there" and asked me what I was wearing. I told her it was a sanitary napkin. She put her hands inside my pants just to be sure. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML
Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML
Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
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Top comments
_DudeGuy_ 16
That's when you say "I'll need it if you want to search more of me". ;)
IronMan3758 4
That's when the Mexicans in the trunk say "yes she will!"
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Comments (90)
_DudeGuy_ 16
That's when you say "I'll need it if you want to search more of me". ;)
ultra_notorious 26
said purse, so I'm guessing its a chick
Ambient25 25
who knows, it could be a "man purse", or a "satchel" for those in denial.
LulusLemon 8
Or OP could be a lesbian..
Fuhkyoo 17
what would a lesbian be doing with a condom in the first place, and second of all, how would a border guard know her sexual preferences?
redbandit9877 12
A lot of lesbians actually do use condoms, especially if you are sharing toys as to not be too risky.
Poppipuff 14
37- Who said the border guard knew about her sexual preferences ? Do you understand what the cop was implying ?
thehornytoad 7
damn, u sayin that and ur picture, man ;)
Fuhkyoo 17
of course I do 70, after all what do I look like, a moron who cant read the comment right above mine? it would seem I dont, maybe its just you.
hej2010 15
xD
Bebbo_fml 21
There are female condoms...
tomhofer 14
That's not kind
hemz_fml 13
She might've been referring to the fact that you don't have a penis but you interpreted it wrong because I find it hard to believe there's so many people out there that bluntly disrespect someone like this.
BrotherPhil 35
US border guards? You bet they would. The author Peter Watts got stopped by them on his way BACK into Canada, and they tasered him because he said "what?" instead of instantly hitting the deck when they told him to get down. They then slung him in a cell for several hours, and kicked him out in the snow in his shirt. To add insult to injury, they charged him with assault for not hitting the deck, which means he can't sue or anything.
imtooshy 18
Should of asked her if you could borrow her handcuffs ;-)
berichsoon 11
Should have
Welshite 40
"Silently say"? Guys, OP is an alien.
spazz666 18
I was wondering why this wasn't the first comment. Hahaha
ManInTheMachine 20
An illegal alien.
XxDevilxXGt 26
It's the "Boarder Patrol", they were searching for any sketchy looking wood, and they found that OP had none.
IronMan3758 4
That's when the Mexicans in the trunk say "yes she will!"
cristy91 33
Quite the scheme, from Mexico to Canada to the US. No one will suspect it... (For those on mobile, OP is listed from Canada)
MrConcise 35
For those on PC or too lazy to update their app, the most recent version of the mobile app shows country of origin.
Sandman366 6
40-Or those that like the previous versions more than the most updated. (I love taking screenshots of amusing profile pictures....they're about .7cm x .7cm on newer version...)
Ambient25 25
I still love the potential for what OP could have also said. Officer: "Are you carrying any illegal items across the border?" OP: "One second Officer, HEY YOU PENDEJOS IN THE BACK KEEP IT DOWN!".
Justy101 23
42 - I'm using the newest version. If you tap on the prof pic, it will fill the whole screen. Just saying...
Hollywoodgirl79 18
Well if she's working border patrol I can't imagine that she'd need it either. Unless she likes getting it on with the Mexicans she finds going across.
WhisperSoflty 20
Cue the awkward moment when you realize that the OP is from Canada... The US has two land borders guarded by border patrol, north and south.
Hollywoodgirl79 18
Crap, didn't see that she was from Canada.... My bad. Sorry guys.
hannahsnyder69 16
People can be such bitches
SWhimsynBubbaS 14
Am I the only one who noticed that OP didn't put closing quotations? :c
botanistjessica 24
No ma'am. You are not.
Trish01 23
I noticed that too. Along with "boArder" patrol and as many have pointed out "silently say". This FML is giving me an aneurysm, hope the admins fix it soon!
CeCe184 17
Not normally something a police officer would say .-. She must have issues
BrotherPhil 35
From the accounts, a lot of them seem to "have issues".
TheBrochure 22
#65 - Then again, this is also a site where people come to post about how they've been screwed over and the like.
perdix 31
"Yes, I will, I need to make balloon animals."